Happy New Year

Well, I'm feeling more "indifferent" than "happy" about it, I suppose. Don't get me wrong, there are quite a few things that I'm happy about, but I'm sort of feeling down in the dumps, but not really (if that makes any sense). This is sort of going to be a random post, so bear with me.

Who ever said that "pregnancy is beautiful", I'd like to have some words with. They were probably the same one(s) that came up with the saying "the joys of parenting". Yes parenting is joyful, but it's also something that rakes one through the coals.

A couple days ago, I was so ecstatic that the bili-lights that Aralynn was on were leaving my house for good. I'm still VERY happy about that fact. However, after her 2 week check-up today, I'm not so happy anymore. She has to be under a vapor tent here at home (except for feedings and diaper changes). She got sick (the same thing that the other 4 kids had the day that I brought her home). Plugged nose, coughing and an ear infection. She's showing signs of improvement, but I was told to keep her in a humid environment (the tent) for the next few days until the doctor had seen her again. So, I went from having to leave her in bed with the bili-lights to having to leave her in bed with the humidifier "blowing on her". Not so much of an improvement, if you ask me.

Maybe I should be trying harder to look at the bright side of things:

~ She's not in the hospital.
~ She's not as lethargic anymore.
~ I'm feeling more and more better each day.
~ My mom has been here for a week and a half and has helped out so much (my sanity is still in tact because of her this week).
~ My dear, sweet husband told me I was pretty today - he was totally serious too (I love that man)!

There, I feel somewhat better, anyway.

Last couple of months

My goodness - I guess here's the last couple of months in a nutshell:

I was pregnant, then I was not pregnant.

What's that? You want more details?! Ok, I'll do my best to recap everything. In September we celebrated Chris's and Terra's birthdays. Very small gathering, but still fun! For Terra's party we did a movie night - the girls showed up and we popped popcorn and let the kids just run wild downstairs. It was a blast! In October, we had visitors from both sides of the family the first couple of weeks and then the last part of October was pretty uneventful. Chris's parents and one of his brothers and his wife came out to visit. His brother is stationed in Italy for a few years, so this was a "good-bye" visit. It was great to see them, but we miss them a lot! My family came out and we had a Taste of Homes cooking day. We each made a new recipe that we found from Taste of Homes and had a day filled with fun and food. The kids even got to go pick pumpkins from a friend's pumpkin patch...they had a blast doing that! In November, still didn't have a whole lot happen, but I made it to the "full term" mark, which is what we had been shooting for, so that was a BIG day for me (the Saturday after Thanksgiving). We celebrated Thanksgiving with just us and then put up the Christmas decorations that night. The kids had a lot of fun doing that. Then we created a chain to count down the days till Santa came. This chain was also a count-down for me as well! The baby was still giving us fits though.

She was still not head down, so they scheduled a version (turn the baby from the outside). The day of the version came and baby was head down, so they canceled that appointment and figured that I'd just go into labor on my own. The next day, she turned transverse (laying sideways) again, so we scheduled another version consult with the OB's and the midwife was very adamnt that they just schedule my induction during the appt since the baby was doing what they call an "unstable lie" (meaning she couldn't decide which way she wanted to be). So we had the consult with the OB and they scheduled me for an induction on the 18th. I was to go in as if I was having a c-section (I was officially considered high risk and was under the care of the OB staff with the midwives being the assistants). The version came with so many "what if's" and risks that it was just one of the precautions they were taking (to have the OR prepped and ready for me with the anesthesiologist in the room). I was told that if I felt the baby turn head down before the 18th to go in and get it confirmed and they'd immediately induce me.

I had many emotional break-downs that last week because I really didn't want a c-section, I was scared, I was worried...many "normal" feelings right before having a baby. On the 15th, I woke up and felt her kicking my ribs, so Chris helped me feel around for her and she was still laying sideways, just with her feet up instead of down. So, I gave up that hope and just went about my day. I was sitting outside the school waiting for the kids to get out and noticed that she felt vertical instead of horizontal. I called Chris to find out when he'd be home and then called the office to schedule a time to go in and get it confirmed. I tried to find my babysitters and no one was answering their phones (and those that did weren't available). So, Chris sent me in and he stayed home to get the kids dinner and to find a sitter. I went in and, sure enough, she had turned head down, so they told me to get over to labor and delivery ASAP. I was in shock and really just expected to be sent home at any given moment and told to just come back on my scheduled induction date. They hooked me up to everything about 4:30 pm and we were underway! Chris showed up about 45 minutes later and I relaxed even more (thank heaven for our church and the many helpful people that came over to sit with the kids that night). Everything seemed to be going smoothly (except for the fact that they couldn't keep her on the monitors, she was moving too much), that is, until they couldn't find her at ALL...then they called for the ultrasound. 4 hours after everything started, she turned completely breech, so they shut everything off and had to turn her in between contractions (I hadn't had an epidural at this point). They got her turned head down and allowed me to move around a little bit more (while being very closely monitored) and they lost her again. Another ultrasound confirmed that she was beginning to turn again, so they turned her back and told me to lay down and try not to be mobile. So I figured at this point that if I had to lay there, I might as well lay there comfortably! Epidural heaven......ahhhh....well, only halfway to heaven. My right side was the only thing that went numb, I could still feel everything on my left side, but things were so bad at that point. After 6-7 more hours, I was very frustrated (my water had been broken and things were still not happening) and telling Chris to just go tell them to give me a c-section (point of desperation). He assured me it was almost over and that recovery would be so much easier without one of those. I glared at him and started crying (yes, I'm a baby). Then I started to feel a LOT of pain and pressure. They called in the anesthesiologist and she gave me something else to numb the left side so I felt a little bit better, but still felt a LOT of pressure. I asked to be checked and they said I was at a 7 and that it would still be a little while. I insisted that once I hit 7 we were ready to go. It took a little convincing, but the nurse agreed to page the midwife (my care had been turned back over to them with the OB's on back-up once the baby stayed head down) once I felt the urge to push (which happened as soon as she said that). She didn't believe me, really, so I told her to check me again - she had just barely checked me, so was reluctant, but did so anyway and immediately called the midwife because the baby was on her way out. They prepped everything while the midwife ran down the hall at full speed. One push - her head was halfway out. Two pushes - her head was all the way out and her shoulders were being coaxed out. The midwife asked Chris if he wanted to catch the baby and he said yes, so the midwife showed him what to do. Three pushes (12 hours of labor) - baby is completely out and crying and so very beautiful!!! She weighed 7 lbs 8 oz and was 21 inches long. She's been such a joy - we've had a few bumps along this past week, but she seems to be pulling out of the worst of it! Welcome to the world Aralynn Rose! We're all so excited to have you here!!!


There are many more pics on Facebook!

Feeling Pretty

We all like to feel pretty, right? I mean, who doesn't?! Well, I do feel pretty today - but I don't think it should be as hard as it was this weekend to accomplish this feat! On Friday, I had my appt and found out some things that were just depressing and I also had to do that glucose test again. YUCK! I was so bummed, and had had a rough day otherwise as well, so Chris felt sorry for me and sent me off to get a pedicure. Bless that man!

Well, I walk up to this salon and walk in and immediately get surrounded by 3 employees saying "We close! We close!" So I asked, "When do you close?" To which the response was a more insistent, "We close!" So I asked more slowly, "Ok, but when do you close?" "At 7 we close!" "Alright, when do you open tomorrow?" "NO! WE CLOSE!" They were looking at me like I was some lunatic person that really didn't grasp that concept that 'we close'! So I left and got a soda and then grabbed some things at the store on my way home.

The next day, I went back and were open, so I asked for a pedicure and was seated. I had picked my colors and knew what I wanted. The lady doing my pedicure did an awesome job and asked what color I wanted. I told her I wanted purple toenails with pink baby feet on my big toe. She smiled and nodded and got busy painting. Apparently what I wanted was interpreted as all my toes but my baby toes as being purple and my baby toes being pink. "No," I said. And again made the requested, pointing this time at where I wanted the baby feet to be painted on. "Oh, ok." She said and then got busy fixing the error. This time, she had only painted the base coat as purple and started to paint the top coat as pink. "Um, no, no, no." I again explained what I wanted and the person sitting next to me had to explain to her (in her own language) that I wanted the baby feet design on my big toes. She finally got it, and did a great job, especially since it was her first time painting baby feet! Oh, she also tried to convince me that pink feet wouldn't show up as good so we should just leave them white (she had used white to put the design on). I kept telling her that I really wanted them PINK! She finally relented. My goodness, it shouldn't be that hard having pretty feet! LOL

I got home and since Chris had taken the kids out fishing, the house was still quiet. I figured that now would be a good time to straighten my hair to complete the "pretty" look. I got everything rounded up, and got one small chunk of hair straightened and in walks all of the kids from fishing, dripping wet, dirty, and trying to crawl on my lap. I had to get them all out of my room so they wouldn't get burned by the curling irons. This still didn't help, as they wanted to hand my the brush, and my straightening cream, and they even tried to grab the irons on my dresser. Chris finally came to the rescue and got them busy with baths and chores. *sigh* And people wonder why I don't straighten my hair very often! Seriously takes too much effort with kids around and by the time they're not around (at school or in bed) I'm way to tired to do that! LOL

"Old school" drama faces, possible concussions and a lost tooth

(this was typed at 11 pm Saturday night)

Today was a pretty lazy day...for me at least. Chris was awesome - he cooked an awesome breakfast (I even got that in bed, YAY ME!!!), took Terra shopping with her tooth fairy money and she found some used roller blades with knee and elbow pads at a thrift store (she's been wearing them in the house all day today)...they look almost new too, cleaned up the kitchen some, got kids down for naps, and then took everyone fishing! I decided to brave it and go along for the ride. My back didn't hurt as bad today, and everything else was "minding its manners", so to say. I grabbed all my YW stuff so I could plan out my lesson for tomorrow and off we went.

We got there and the kids started throwing rocks in and finding sticks (James found and "old man's walking stick...it really did look like a cane and was the perfect size for him to use a such). They immediately started getting "bites" but would always reel in a twig or some such nonsense. I have a "proud" pic of this on my phone that I'll upload soon. They did end up catching a few fish, but they were tiny, so we'd have to throw them back. One particular fish was having issues adapting back into the water, so Chris was playing with it for a bit to try and "jolt" it back to its senses. I pointed that out to Celeste and told her to go look at the fish. She got this terror-filled look on her face, put the back of her hand up to her mouth and screamed "NOOOOO!" (like they did in the ol' school horror films) Yup, she's VERY girlie. Fish freak her out terribly! She cried whenever she saw anyone touching them. Chris finally tossed the fish out there a ways and went back to casting his line out. Celeste finally started exploring close to the water and tripped and fell in. She came up crying and saying "NO FISH!!! NO FISH!!!" I don't think she much cared that she was wet...she was just worried about those darn fish! LOL

We packed everyone up and decided to go to IHOP to eat dinner (we had 4 coupons for free kids meals...why not?!). Of course we stopped by home to change poor Celeste's clothes and then went and found the place. The kids had fun with their smiley face pancakes and fruit and of course the coloring pages! I HAD to save those to bring home. We just won't tell the kids where they ended up being put after they all went to bed! After we packed everyone up, we headed out the door. Terra and James were goofing off and there was a car backing up...no one (driver included) was paying attention, so I was frantically telling those two to get back up on the sidewalk, and not paying attention to what was behind me. Suddenly, Chris calls out, "TYLER, NO, LOOK OUT!" Totally made my heart stop, but when I looked back, he was blissfully unaware of his surroundings, eating some fruit he'd grabbed off the table, and stepped just barely off the side walk and biffed it. He hit his face against the edge of the side walk, did a half turn and whent he rest of his body came to a stop....his head hit the pavement hard. He very quietly got up, bent over to get his dropped fruit, and when he looked at me, he had silent tears streaming down his poor little face, so I hugged him and then the sobs let loose. Chris picked him up and carried him to the car and asked him where he hurt. Head? No. Face? No. He stopped crying long enough to say his foot hurt, but nothing else ("no, just dat." while pointing to his foot). We got a wipe out and cleaned off his piece of fruit (this seemed to be bothering him the most...don't mess with this kid's food), and gave it back to him and the crying ceased. I'm thinking that he was just embarrassed about the fall, but it really looked (and sounded) like it hurt!!! I'm still awake right now so I can go and check on him and make sure he's still responsive (he started to fall asleep on the way home, but that could also be passed off as "end of the day drowsiness"). Yes, I'm paranoid like that! Concussions scare me. What scares me more is he hit his head hard enough to cause a bump, but there isn't one forming. He's still responsive though whenever I go to wake him up a bit.

We got home and threw everyone in the tub and then had "bunny milk" and started sending everyone off to bed. Terra came in to show us her wiggly tooth. There was a tooth growing underneath it and it was VERY loose and ready to come out. She immediately started screaming and hollering about the fact that she didn't want it to fall out yet! We sprayed her mouth with throat spray (we're out of ora-gel), gave her a cold wash cloth, and I wiggled it here, and there and finally when her eyes were closed...mid-scream...I pulled and it came out. She didn't even realize this fact until she took a breath and opened her eyes. Then she was all smiles and giggles. But then she saw blood...everything fell apart again and it started hurting all over again! A Vitamin-C (disguised as a pain med...haha, we're evil parents, I know) and another drink of bunny milk later, and she's just peachy!

Recent Dr. Visit

So, aside from meeting probably the craziest midwife I've ever met before, the appointment went well. All bed-rest has been lifted (if I choose to believe her...I'll explain myself a little later), but I still have restrictions. No lifting more than 10 lbs...try to keep it lower in weight than that, and also traveling could be an issue (I've known this one, they didn't have to tell me). I also have to take care in how much activity I actually do (this is just a trial and error thing still...she kind of blew me off when I suggested this was a problem in my daily life).

The appointment started and she "translated" the ultrasound papers to let me know what they found. Its a girl (YAY), the SCH is no longer visible, which in theory means its been dissolved (cautiously hoping this is the case), she's breech (which isn't abnormal in most pregnancies this early on, but all my kids have been head down from the beginning...so, it's odd for me to have that happen), she's very low in the pelvis, she's measuring small, but not so small that it causes concern (I've always had big babies that measure a week and a half or more ahead). I asked if the baby kicking my cervix could be the reason for a fair amount of the pain I've been feeling and she rolled her eyes at me and told me not to expect to have the muscle tone I had with my first pregnancy and that all I've been feeling has been normal pregnancy pains. Sorry, but I very strongly disagree with this. There is a problem when you can't get up and move around without having constant contractions!!

She then asked if I'd gotten the results of my past blood tests, and I told her that I had thought things were normal. She said that I'm no longer immune to German measle so I need to get the MMR shot after I give birth (I was also told that I'd probably need the Tetanus booster as well, which I totally am fine with because I'm accident prone and step on things all the time). I found this rather odd, but she also said that it happens in some women and it can't really be explained. I asked her some other questions about the contractions I felt after doing pretty much anything in my normal activity and she basically blew me off and told me that I needed to drink more and stay hydrated (um, I generally stay fairly well hydrated, thanks so much). I was irritated by this, but she was happy about everything and said things sounded normal and fine. I told her that I could time my contractions and she skeptically looked at me and asked how close they usually are. I said 15-20 minutes and she again blew me off and said that unless they're less than 15 minutes it's nothing to worry about, but to definitely give them a call if I'm worried about it (after being blown off, sure I want to call you).

She started feeling my belly to tell where the baby is, and she jumped back and got a startled look on her face, so I asked what was wrong. She said whenever she meets someone for the first time and starts to feel their tummy, she gets impressions on what baby's name is, and this time it was SO strong! (WACKO!!!!!) She says my baby's name is Ingrid. When I told her no, she acted all offended and told me there was still time to change it, that the baby REALLY wanted that name and that I'd eventually come around by the time I saw her in my arms. NOPE SORRY LADY! I told her what we are naming her and she just wrinkled her nose and asked what was wrong with the name Ingrid?! Nothing is wrong with it, that's just not what I want to name my child, thanks!

So, Chris and I joked about it on the way home a bit and it didn't bother me as much at first, but the more I ponder on what was said and done, the more irritated I am that I wasn't taken seriously on some things and really not sure I want her to be the one on-call when I deliver...she might change my birth certificate from Aralynn to Ingrid! LOL

She also told me the stats on the flu shots and such and I told her I wasn't really interested in getting one, and she became agitated that I was ignoring the facts that were placed before me and I explained that if I lived closer to my family, I would probably get one because of illnesses and other issues in my family, but since I don't travel out to see them much during the flu season, I'd rather not since we've had bad luck with them in the past. She again just waved her hand and said "whatever, dear, I know how it is, you hear what you want to hear and nothing else."

So things I gathered from all this - everything is healthy and normal and all the negative I've been experiencing is all in my head. What is actually going on (according to Sandi) - growth and development are on track and normal but because of her positioning and presentation, I've been feeling things I've never had to deal with before with everyone else, and for some reason my stomach/uterus is not tolerating strain and other activity very well. Frustrating, for sure. Things are getting better in some ways and staying the same in others, I still have up days and down days, but I'm counting my blessings and trying to stay positive. I want to be more independent and not have to rely on everyone else for small every day things. I'm working with the compassionate service lady in our Ward and are hopefully getting some sort of arrangement in place. I'm hoping things will improve and that all things will start to improve soon!

Day 1 Of No Help

* Wake up to alarm (we decided to start setting the alarm to help us get used to getting up to get kids to school)
* Eat breakfast
* Talk to Chris about his schedule and what time he'll be home
* Chris got kids situated downstairs and leaves for work
* I start to think of things I need from downstairs and make a list (going downstairs is VERY painful for me to do right now)
* Tyler comes upstairs without a diaper....with poo dripping down his legs (BLAH)
* Make him sit on the toilet until I come back upstairs (remarkably he stays there), go down and clean up the floor (carpet) and throw away a couple books and a kids' chair (because I didn't think they'd be sanitary anymore)
* Grabbed a few things on the list and came back upstairs and put Tyler in the tub.
*Called Chris (near tears) and find out he's been called to a couple other stops and the truck he was supposed to load was delayed...blew a tire
* Get Tyler out of the tub and get him dressed again
* Put Celeste down for a nap
* Fix lunch for the kids
* Go downstairs for the rest of what was on my list AND a meal from the freezer and find the living room trashed...just blow it off (sort of) and go back upstairs with above said items
* Lay down and drink more fluids (contractions are starting...but not regular yet)
* Load the dishes in the sink in the empty dishwasher and grab a snack for myself
* Feed Celeste when she woke up
* Try to calm a tantrum from her because she wants "damma"
*Find a picture of my mom and hand it to her and she calms down
* Tyler comes upstairs without pants OR diaper...again poo mess is following him
* Clean up the mess and get a diaper back on him
* Cry for a few minutes (frustrated and feeling like I can't do this alone...and contractions are starting to become regular)
* Got dinner ready and tried to feed the kids...apparently I'm not a good cook and they want Grandma back (Grandma Ida, you're being requested by name)
* Send kids downstairs and tell them they can play a video game...this will FOR SURE keep them occupied for a while...until Chris gets home (I'm hoping anyway)
* Drink more and lay down to start counting the minutes between contractions (17 minutes)
* Chris got home, gave me a muscle relaxer and tylenol and took over the kids (feeding them the dinner that they refused to eat before, getting them ready for bed, cleaning up messes {laundry soap being among the many messes} and cleaning up the kitchen a bit)
* Kids come in and give me hugs and kisses and tell me they hope I feel better and am nicer tomorrow (that's a confidence booster right there...I'm SUCH a great mom)
* Meds finally are starting to kick in (1.5 hours after taking them) and contractions are spreading out (30 mins apart now)

Here's to hoping tomorrow goes better and that our new schedule will work itself out soon. I have my appt. tomorrow to discuss what was found during the ultrasound, so hopefully things are looking better, because the way I feel right now...it sure isn't feeling like they're getting better! (sorry to vent, just had a crappy day)

Sugar And Spice And Everything Nice

We had an ultrasound on Friday and we found out for sure that we're having a girl!!! We're very excited and are looking forward to welcoming little Aralynn Rose into the family! This weekend got even better because today, Chris was able to feel her move for the first time!! That never gets old!

The u/s tech was awesome and very thorough! She couldn't technically tell us if things looked good or bad...it's against the law, so we have to wait to talk to the midwife about things this next Friday. She did say that she knew I wouldn't "nark" on her so she said that there was ONE picture that she couldn't get a clear image of and if we had to come back, that would be the only reason because everything was good and clear - and normal. It was wonderful to know that to her knowledge things looked good, but when I asked her about the SCH and whether it was still there or not, she said that she couldn't say anything, mainly because she didn't have my previous ultrasounds there to compare to. We did discover that Aralynn is still breach, which is odd for my children, because they've always been head down from the very beginning, but there is still lots of time for her to turn and is NOT abnormal when you look at the average pregnancy. Aralynn is also VERY low in the pelvis area, so she's literally sitting on my cervix and has her legs tucked under her bum...so kicking and wiggling would, I imagine, cause a lot of that pain that I've been feeling.

As for the u/s pics, you'll just have to wait till I can actually go downstairs and scan them in...that might take a while! Sorry about that!

Special Needs

Having a special needs child is so full of rewards, however, there are some days that you have to dig to find them, others they just appear! I love it when, randomly, Tyler will burst through the door and give me a hug and a kiss for no apparent reason. That makes my mommy-heart feel awesome!

There are also challenges that go with this sort of thing as well. How do you get others to understand? How do you help them cope? These are two questions swirling through my mind right now. He's causing trouble in the nursery, and they want me to tell them how to "fix it". The problem is...I have no idea! His whole world was thrown into turmoil this summer with the lack of structure to his schedule. It's not his fault, they know that, but there are other little children that they're worried about as well. I don't blame them. There are days I'm at my wits end with him, so I know that frustration very well. The only difference between them and me is I still love him very dearly at the end of the day (when he's angelically sleeping...LOL, just kidding, I love him regardless). My best reply to give to them when put on the spot? If he's causing that much trouble, please come get us, we totally understand (been there, done that). They are in the process of getting an extra nursery aid to help out in there (Ty isn't the only one with special needs and certainly isn't the most "needy"...don't take that as a rude comment, because it's not meant that way).

Earlier today, someone asked Celeste where mommy was. She replied something that sounded like "da bom". When asked to repeat it, it sounded more like "da bum". Yes, I am a bum, but I also like to think of myself at the moment as "da bum that is da bom" !! LOL, yes, I'm a nerd, that's ok - I'm at peace with that fact!!

LolliLocks Kids Hair Salon

Terra's hair grows so fast. She just got it cut and some spots grow faster than others, so it was looking shaggy. Mom and I decided all the kids needed hair cuts before school started in a couple weeks (freaky thought...2 weeks till school)! The boys went first, and they're now ever-so-stylishly buzzed for school...YAY!! Celeste had a go at the hair cutting thing too. She now has eyes that are visible and the curls stayed after this hair cut (on Terra, they didn't when she was this age...go figure). Terra went next and we clipped here and cut there and got it to where we thought it looked good. She took a shower and went to bed. This morning, it didn't look so great. There were places that looked uneven and she still had that "shaggy" look about her. We went out to lunch (to use up some "free" coupons - neither one of us wanted to fix lunch, might as well let others wait on us too). While at lunch I told my mom about this kids salon down the road and how great they did with Terra a few years ago when she had a run-in with the scissors. We went there after lunch and they got right to work. There wasn't much that they had to cut to make it "perfect". They then styled it and sprayed it with glitter. Terra felt like a princess for a few hours. She kept asking us throughout the afternoon if the glitters were still in her hair. LOL

We decided to go grocery shopping, so I got a "clown car" and drove around the store. The kids laughed and poked fun of me...which was great for my image, but today, for the first time since I've been driving those things, I had people jumping to help me out. I had employees getting things for me, other customers grabbing this and that...it was rather nice not getting smart-alec comments from people. I guess I should go shopping mid-day if I'm going to go at all. We got back out to the car and I had to take some pain meds. Not cool. We went to Sam's Club and then Costco, and then I made mom drive home. I started having contractions in Costco, and they didn't subside until after we got home (Costco is a good 25 minute drive from home).

After we got home, Tyler had a MAJOR melt-down. Think of an autistic child throwing a fit. This is Tyler. You can't reason with him, if anyone invades his "space" (about a 2-foot perimeter around him) he becomes violent, even if they're just trying to grab their toy that has landed near him, he doesn't like it one bit! A while after finally getting him calmed down, he came and sat by me. He started to get angry again and bit my arm. I bit him back...he got this look of total shock and surprise and couldn't figure out just WHY I had bitten him. He promptly stopped his crying and went and told on me. Nice (*rolling my eyes*).

And, apparently, when doing "science experiments", one time is NEVER enough to satisfy the imagination! I'll let you know MY experience and hopefully, your children will NEVER want to do this...

When your child unrolls the TP, and drapes it (still attached to the roll) into the toilet and flushes...it does NOT keep unraveling as it's being flushed...regardless of how many times the toilet is flushed OR how much TP is in the toilet. Yup, it's been a FUN day at our house!

Cabin Fever

My kids are really starting to feel cooped up - especially when I won't let them play video games all day! Mom had an idea that we could take them and their bikes to the park, mom and the younger two could play on the equipment and I could sit on the bench and watch...

I wore my tennis shoes, which made my back not hurt as badly as it normally does, so I felt like I could do a little more. I, again, shouldn't have. I hurt pretty badly tonight.

It was great for the kids though, and they kept asking to go back all afternoon. It was nice to get out, but, then again, I'm not sure if this pain is worth leaving the house (or at least the moving around I did after getting home anyway).

By the way, does anyone still read this? I feel like I'm typing to no one in particular anymore!

Getting Used to Disappointment

I don't think that I ever will be used to this particular thing.

I spent all day yesterday planning and preparing my lesson. It took me all day because I couldn't sit for very long without hurting, or losing my attention. I was so proud of myself to be able to accomplish this thing. It was completely with a poster and cutsie little hand-outs (and candy, who doesnt' like getting that). I was hurting pretty bad last night, but thought I would feel slightly better this morning. But not so. All I've been able to do today is cry. I got up, showered, got dressed, got kids dressed, breakfast, etc - all the while, crying intermittently. We made it to church a little late, but we were all there just as they started to say the prayer. I got elbowed and kicked, which would bring on the tears I was trying so hard to keep at bay. Chris asked me after sacrament meeting was over if I needed to go home and I said I'd like to sit on the couches outside for a bit before deciding. An amazing woman in my ward came up and gave me a hug and asked about the baby and how things were going. I replied my same reply that I give to almost everyone, "the baby's fine and I'm ok most days." She then informed me that I was in her prayers each and every day, and she's been trying to keep my name on the prayer roll at the temple. I broke down again and thanked her. She hugged me again and left for class. Another sweet lady came up and said that she had a feeling as she was leaving the chapel that I needed a hug and some love, so she came back in to give it. I again cried harder and thanked her. She left for class and then Chris showed back up (he had taken the kids to their classes) and tenderly helped me up, gave me a hug and told me to go home, no questions asked. I sobbed. Mom and I left and I'm not sure which hurts more...the emotional disappointment, or the pain in my stomach. Both are pretty high right now.

Every time I think I get control over my emotions, someone smiles at me or talks to me and I start crying all over again. Today's just going to be a rough day, I think. I had another thought just occur to me...we have our Home Teachers coming over today. I sure hope I can get a nap or get a hold of myself before they arrive! I really hate being so emotional...it makes me feel weak!

Recreational Drugs

I have NO understanding of why people do these! The ER gave me a prescription for Vicodin the last time I was in there. It was only 6 pills, but I had heard once that Vicodin is stronger than Percocet, and that throws me for a loop! I end up cutting them in half and only taking half a pill. I just automatically did the same thing for the Vicodin and it's a good thing I did. I get dizzy and walk around like a drunken person for about an hour, and then the room still spins for another hour. But the plus side of all of this - I feel no pain for about 3 hours! Oh how lovely! I'd almost forgotten what it feels like to be pain free! I'm down to two half pills and there are no refills. I'm beginning to wonder what I'll do when this runs out. But this brings me to my first statement of the post. I really have NO idea just why people do this for fun. I hate the feeling of helplessness that happens about 20 minutes after taking the pill. It's almost debilitating! Why would someone do this for no apparent reason other than to "look cool" to his/her peers?! I just don't get it. Another thing I don't get...when they gave me Morphine while I was in the ER in the past, my muscles would cease up, spaz out and my jaw would lock up for a few minutes. My oxygen levels would dip a little bit too. Again, why anyone would do this without due cause/reason, I haven't the foggiest idea!

Things are just plugging right along around here, and we have some semblance of normalcy most days (other than the drugs, of course). I've very much loved having my mom back here with me. I'll miss her very much when she leaves again, but I can't hog her all the time, I suppose! There is really no news to update on - since I'm still pretty much down most of the time (laying down, that is...I try not to be depressed-down much). One of my friends came up one afternoon last week and it was so nice to see her, but I felt bad because I hadn't planned anything for us to do, so we just kinda sat around stared at the kids playing...sorry Seandra! Maybe I won't be such a party animal next time!

We did find out Tyler's schedule for school this next year and they've, once again, place him with the older crew of kids (not that he'll be much out of place - he's bigger than most of them anyway). They've invited him to go 4 days a week instead of the normal 2 for his age group. We've agreed and feel that he'll grow so much more in doing things this way. The other day, though, this brought me to the realization that it'll just be me and Celeste at home in the afternoons most of the week! I'm not sure I'll know how to cope with that! I'm used to the noise and kids running around everywhere! It will definitely be a change, and probably a good one this year. Blessings come in all ways, shapes and forms. Sorry this is mostly just a rambling post. I didn't want you all to think I'd fallen off the face of the earth, but there's really not too much happening around here other than the same-old-stuff! I hope things are well with all of you!

More Normalcy

I had my appointment yesterday and they drew more blood for the thyroid test. I just got the results back and they are completely and totally NORMAL! Nothing to worry about with that one anymore! YAY!!! I am SOOOO happy that I have one less thing to worry about with this pregnancy. Thanks for all the prayers - I know they worked in our behalf! *doing the happy dance*

Counting My Blessings

As much as I've been feeling sorry for myself lately (for going to the ER and being told there's nothing wrong and to just go home), I am still very blessed to still have my little peanut inside me, and she is healthy. Yes, you read that right...we're about 80% sure that there's a girl in there, we'll find out for sure on August 6th! I'm on a couple of pregnancy boards online and there was a lady on there that is a couple weeks further along than I am and she hadn't told her family or other children that she was expecting yet. She wanted to find out what she was having first. She went in for her normal visit and they couldn't find the heartbeat, they did an ultrasound and couldn't find one there either. They then sent her over to the hospital to have an actual tech do one, and again, they found no signs of life. My heart broke for this poor woman and it made me really think twice about my situation.

Even though things have been hard, and at times have seemed impossible to get through, I still have my baby inside, healthy and strong! I still have my whole family in tact (this is another thing that is plaguing that pregnancy board...seriously...so many issues for people to deal with)! I have family that is ready and willing to come out and help me at the drop of a hat. I have friends and fellow Ward members that will come over and help me when needed. Everyone is rallying around me SO much, that I really am feeling so blessed to have such great family and friends! What are some things YOU are thankful for in your life?!

ER Visits - We Have A Love/Hate Relationship

Tuesday I got up and sort of felt a little off and as the day progressed, this "feeling off" got a little worse and I started to feel cramps/contractions. I could time them. By the time bedtime rolled around and all the kids were in bed, I was in MAJOR pain! Chris almost took me in, but I insisted that I'd be fine, just let me sleep it off - so I took some Tylenol PM and went to sleep. The next morning, they were subsiding some. They were still there, I could feel them, but they were definitely not as bad as the night before. Chris wanted me to call the midwives and let them know what was going on. When asked to describe the pain, the only thing I could think to tell them (instead of "it just hurts on the inside") was that it felt like my membranes were being stripped about every 15-20 minutes...there is a sharp pain and then dull throbbing that follows. The nurse took notes and then relayed the message on to the midwife that was available. When she called me back, she laughed at my description and said that she could tell I've had a baby or two. She wanted me to come in and give a sample so they could send it to the lab to be cultured to rule out infections. This would take a couple of days for the results to get back, and in the mean time, to just call back if the pains picked up again or got closer together. She also said there were a couple other things that it could be. (1) My uterus is stretching causing muscle spasms, or (2) I could be miscarrying (the fact that I could time them worried her, some).

So, I went in, gave them the sample, took mom to the store, came home, realized she forgot something, went back to the store (I stayed in the car with the kids both times, mind you), and then came home. I really didn't do enough to cause pain, so I thought, oh, I'll be just fine.

Sadly enough, around 5 pm, they picked up again. At first, I thought it wouldn't be so bad, but then they progressively got worse. Just before the kids' bedtime, I called the midwife on-call and talked to her for a bit, she said I could either wait it out until morning and then come in to be monitored, or just go in to the ER, it was my choice (the pain levels I was in would determine what I would do). She said that she'd just plan on me coming into the office in the morning unless I called back and told her otherwise. I got off the phone and talked it over with my mom and Chris. Part of me wanted to go in, but another part of me just KNEW there was nothing wrong and I was over-reacting. I finally decided to have Chris take me in, so he put the kids in bed, I called the midwife back, and then we took off. I cried all the way to ER because I was so afraid they would actually FIND something wrong - I was afraid of them finding no heartbeat (yes, the pain was that intense).

We got there and got checked in, and as I sat there, I kept asking myself what we were doing there?! As soon as I'd make up my mind to say something to Chris that we should just go home, another wave of pain would overpower me, so I couldn't say anything. Chris said he was very glad that he brought me in. After about an hour, I finally got called back and put in a room. My nurse (who was amazing, by the way) immediately helped me change into a gown, got me some ice chips, went and got a Doppler and tried to find the heartbeat. It took (literally) a couple of minutes to locate - which totally freaked me out, but as soon as I heard that tiny heart beating, I burst into tears of joy! My baby was still alive! They got my IV's hooked up after that, they asked more questions and after I told them of my previous visit, went in search of my ultrasound and other records to give to the doctor. He looked them over, and brought in the Travel Ultrasound Machine (tiny little thing that just says "yes there's a baby in here and there's the heartbeat"). He found the baby and the heartbeat and the whole time we were looking, this baby was doing acrobatics (a VERY good sign). Arms were waving, legs were kicking and somersaults were happening. It made me cry again. Although he was not an u/s tech, he could not see the SCH I was diagnosed with a few weeks ago, but said that didn't mean it wasn't still there. His best guess was that it HAD gotten smaller, but we'd have to have a regular u/s tech do a scan to see for sure. We did notice, however, that the placenta was at the bottom of the screen. He couldn't answer whether or not that meant it was covering the cervix or not (again, we'd have to get an actual u/s to look in depth). They did end up doing another urine culture and drew blood and also did some swabs to test for infections. They found two different ones. Alone, they probably wouldn't be causing so many issues, but together, they were wreaking havoc. I was put on antibiotics and given pain killers and then sent home. I was there for a little over 5 hours. Ugh.

After being given the pain killers, I seriously have NO idea why people do drugs for fun. I'm still suffering from different symptoms from those things today. My pain levels are manageable today, but I haven't done ANYTHING but lounge around and take naps. I feel so lazy. But, I can't tell you how over-joyed I am that they found something that is treatable. My baby is still fine, and that makes me so happy!

Almost...But Not Quite

I went to church this morning, fully intending on staying the whole time. I don't think I even made it half way through the first hour! Cramps in my lower abdomen brought on the tears and scared Chris, he offered to carry me out to my mom's car, but I declined and limped my way through blurred vision out to her car. She grabbed Celeste and made her way after me - Celeste is having issues of her own this weekend :( .

Yesterday I went shopping with my mom. Shouldn't have done that! Four stores plus a cranky baby that has unidentified bug bites ALL OVER her body, equals a long and tiring day. I did WAY too much. I woke up yesterday feeling awesome and thought I could handle that. I guess I just shouldn't "think" about things and just sit still...which is difficult for me to do.
I was somewhat tired and sore last night when I went to bed and I had to stop myself from wishing this pregnancy would be over. I know that reality could actually happen...in a bad way! I have had to stop that thought a few times already. "I just wish it would be over with already...no wait, I don't wish that. Nevermind!"

On Friday, I ended up taking Celeste in to the doctors because of a bug bite that started to blister. It looked awful (the pics are after a few hours when the swelling went down some)! She has since gotten a few more of those bites so we decided we REALLY needed to spray the outside of the house and the girls' room to kill off anything that's there! Oh the joys!

The doctors want us to bring her back in on Monday or Tuesday for a recheck of the bite (we'll be showing him the other bites as well). It makes me nervous that she's getting all these bites...just how much venom can a small child take before it starts to wreak major havoc on her poor little body?!

Happiness is...

Happiness, for me, is finding out that I didn't really fail the gestational diabetes testing after all! YAY!!! I'm over here just being happy about it all...smiling, crying, laughing and shouting for joy!! Oh the joys of being "normal"!

Feeling Grateful

I've had a few people talk to me about their thyroid problems (young moms), and they've got healthy kids. I've also had a few people remind me of the blessing that I received a few weeks ago. Today, I went to Sacrament meeting at church, and then Mom and I came home. I've been feeling nauseated this morning, so decided it would probably be best to come home and rest (since I "ran marathons" yesterday). While sitting in church listening to the speakers pay tribute to their fathers, their children, their husbands, etc., I got the overwhelming feeling that I need to trust in Chris's blessing more. Mom and I talked about it on the way home some. She said she felt that this baby would be just fine. It would be healthy, I would be healthy (once things settled down) and that things would turn out alright. I still have nagging worries in the back of my mind about this little one. The first trimester is the most crucial to the baby's development, and they didn't find the thyroid problem until the trimester was almost over! That, scientifically, worries me! But, Spiritually...I don't know how to explain it. I'm not panicking. I feel comfort and peace around me today. I'm so very grateful that I was able to go to church today, so that I'd be more in tune to these feelings! I apologize that my posts might seem of the "doom's day" sort lately. That was how I was feeling for the longest time about all of this. I couldn't bear the thought of losing this baby. We've been through so much, that to just suddenly have her gone...I couldn't handle that thought. Both Chris and my mom (and few others through emails, comments, phone calls, etc) have brought me back to reality and reminded me of God's greatness in all of this. His hand has been there, protecting my family, me, my baby. He's been such a comfort, and I really need to learn to trust in that comfort more!

My Grandma sent me an email a while back that encouraged me to read an article in the May Ensign about healing. I might have blogged about this before, but I really am too lazy to go back check...sorry!!!

Healing The Sick, by Dallin H. Oaks talk about priesthood blessings and how they can and DO help people during times of trial and illness. It works through (1) annointing, (2) sealing the annointing, (3) faith, (4) words of the blessing, and (5) will of the Lord.

I have every faith today that Chris spoke the will of the Lord in that blessing that was given to me. I'm holding that blessing very dear to my heart right now. I'm clinging to it...I don't want this to sound wrong, but almost in desperation? I'm still working on it, but I want so badly for all things to be well. I'm grateful to have a husband who is faithful and true enough to the Priesthood which he holds to be able to bless our family with the goodness that comes from God. I'm also very grateful to come from a family which instilled that example in me at a young age. Happy Fathers Day to my dad, my husband and my father-in-law. Thank you ALL for being such great examples in my life and, especially, thank you to my father-in-law for raising such a man that is worthy of this great honor of the Priesthood!

Marathons

Today, Chris took the kids fishing at a pond down the road. Celeste found his cell phone, so mom and I took it to him. He informed us that it was supposed to be charging. Oops! We drove home, and along the way saw a garage sale that had a mattress in it. We'd been looking for one of those, so we drove home, parked the car and walked down to the house (it was a block away). We asked how much it was....she just gave it to us for free! Can't beat that price! We said we'd be back to get it, and walked home, got the car and mom and the lady loaded it up. We got it home, and then had Chris bring it inside when he got home. So, I had only walked a block and back, but I felt like I'd run a marathon! I was exhausted, beat, emotional, you name it, I felt it! But my day wasn't over yet.

We had a birthday party to go to at the city pool this evening...and being the ever-so-brain-dead mom that I am right now, I forgot to buy a gift! Oops, again! Mom and I took Terra and James to the store and browsed around, found something, and headed back out to the car. Mom needed to go to Radio Shack, so I dropped her off at the door and sat in the car and wrapped the gift (stuffed it in a gift bag with colorful tissue paper and called it good)! We got home and everyone got into their swimsuits and off we went again. The kids had fun...all except Celeste. She got sunscreen in her eyes, so she cried for the majority of the party. :o( She finally stopped for the last 10 minutes or so, and found another baby to run around with. That was funny to watch...this little girl with swollen, red, puffy eyes laughing up a storm while running around. LOL Poor thing, I felt so bad for her!

We got home and immediately threw the kids in the tub and sent them to bed. I went downstairs and showered and am sitting here crying now (LOL, don't laugh, this is totally serious, people!) because I'm weak (in my mind). I couldn't even walk a block today. I thought I was tired after that...right now, there are no words to describe what I feel. I think that no sleeping aid will be required tonight! So, how was your day?!

Sometimes It's Rude...

You know how some people are well-meaning when they make comments? I'm not so sure these people were, but....yeah!

I've gotten emails and private messages on Facebook that have just....well....rubbed me the wrong way! Seriously! I'm going to just say, I have the BEST hubby in the world! He's sweet, funny, caring and he bends over backwards to make me happy! He's the best daddy in the world (my kids' lives revolve around him)! So, that being said, I find comments like the following one rude and completely unnecessary!

"I hope, now, that Chris will stop treating you like a baby factory!"

Huh?! Seriously, you did NOT just say that! Guess what...HE DOESN'T TREAT ME LIKE THAT!!! Nor has he ever! He calls and texts me throughout the day (if I don't call him first, that is) just to make sure I'm doing well. As soon as he gets home, he occupies the kids, he plays games with them, he gets me snacks, he draws baths for me to soak in. He took the full day off of work on Tuesday so he could sit in a boring hospital room to hold my hand while I just sit there so they can draw my blood! Does this sound like an uncaring husband that sees his wife as nothing more than a baby factory?! I think not! He's quite concerned about all of this and, if I give the word, we're done having kids! The doctors have said, however, that the things that are happening now (I think with the exception of the thyroid), more than likely won't happen again (there's a very slim marginal chance of them recurring)! So, why is this all happening at once? I've asked that question over and over again. The answer is always the same - "It could be this reason or this reason, but in reality, I don't know!"

So, please, before you make a comment to someone - a comment that you THINK is harmless - please stop and think. You have no idea who you're hurting or insulting by making comments like those! Unless you've been in their shoes, lived in their house and seen EVERYTHING (the emotion, the love, the respect) that goes on there, you have no idea how that person will react!

So, I'll just say again, there is NO other man (in my eyes) out there that is better than my husband! I'm glad things worked out the way they did for me 8 (plus) years ago so that I could meet him and fall in love with him! He is an awesome person who treats me with respect and shows me (and tells me) that he loves me, everyday! I thank God for him every morning, noon and night (and even sometimes midnight, if I'm awake to do so)! I LOVE CHRIS!

Trying To Stay Positive...

...But failing miserably! I got a phone call from my doctor's office this afternoon (which was a bad thing anyway, since I just had blood work done and they said they'd only call if there was an abnormality). I failed the glucose test, so have to go in for the 3 hour one (which, in all reality, will really last for 4-5 hours). I have to check in to the hospital, get my blood drawn (I'll be fasting, by the way), drink the glucose juice (yet again), and then get my blood drawn again at 1, 2 and 3 hours past the time I finish drinking it. Oh joy.

The other abnormality I have is my thyroid. My midwife made the comment about it being "generous" during my physical. She ran a test on it, just to be on the safe side. It was found to be abnormally low. I wasn't quite sure what that meant, so I googled it. This explains the 15 pound weight-gain during my first trimester, the fatigue, but still not being able to sleep (insomnia). There were a couple of other things that I had too, that were symptoms. Having this condition, however, poses some threats to the baby. They can't really do a whole lot to treat it...because it could endanger the baby. I'm at a much higher risk for a few things too, which I was already at risk for anyway, due to the SCH that I've got going on. Fetal abruption (miscarriage), placental abruption (was high before due to the SCH, but now...), low birth weight in the baby (maybe the gestational diabetes will cancel this one out and we'll have a normal sized baby?), and even still birth. My body is fighting so hard to help my thyroid that its also fighting some of the baby too. I'm very much praying that things don't get worse. I don't think I could handle much more of this!

On a more positive note - Chris got his stitches out today and the doctor that took them out said that the person that put them in did a "perfect job"! YAY! They cleaned him right up and sent him home. Chris related very well to that doctor, so I think he's a keeper for the whole family!

*(edit update) Sorry to sound like such a "Debbie Downer". The stats on this really weren't looking that great this afternoon. I'm not going to research it further, just because I don't think I could handle reading it all. There is a reason I'm not a doctor. Give me a night to sleep on it and I'll have a better outlook when I wake up!*

Chris's Eye

Here are a couple of pictures of Chris's eye. Not exactly pretty, but it could be worse, though!

*Sigh*

I've decided that if it's not one thing, its another! I had another appointment yesterday. At my first appt (the ER follow-up), it was decided that I might have an issue with Gestational Diabetes, so, I "get" to take the glucose test twice this pregnancy. Another appt was scheduled at that time for yesterday. Yesterday, they took my blood work, including glucose (and after the appt they decided to do a thyroid test too, since I have a "generous" thyroid right now). But the day didn't start out well yesterday, sadly. I caught some kind of viral stomach bug and couldn't keep anything down all day (which kind of posed a problem for the glucose testing...but they said I kept it down long enough to get a good reading...we're hoping anyway). I was very dehydrated, though. They told me that if I didn't start keeping things down, then I'd have to go into the hospital and get IV fluids that afternoon. They gave me a prescription for some anti-nausea medications and sent me home. Today I'm doing a bit better, but still have to fight keep food down.

I'm very glad that my mom has been here to keep things running smoothly throughout the rest of the house. Bless her heart, she's been taking care of everything! She's even made cookies for the kids, to boot! I have the best mommy in the world!!!

Headlines

I've come up with a headline that would explain something that happened to my husband last night. I'm debating on whether or not to put it on here, because it is rather rude (I probably won't put it). Here's the story though - maybe you can all help me come up with a headline in the comments below!

Chris decided to go to the movies with his brother, a friend (we'll call him M) and M brought a friend along too. The movie started at 10-ish pm, so Chris got the kids in bed at his parent's house and then went to the theater. A couple rows in front of them, a young couple had brought their baby (probably about 3-4 months old) and M made a snide comment about how babies are like phones, they should be silenced or turned off. RUDE! He said it loud enough that this couple heard. The lady felt bad (I would have too), so after the movie, her boyfriend (think big, tall...around 6'5" or so) came up to M and asked him to apologize because he had made his girl feel bad. M said "whatever, that's my opinion and I'm entitled to it." and walked off. Everyone followed...including the boyfriend. He got up in M's face and started yelling at him. Again, M tried to blow him off and leave, walking up some stairs. Boyfriend-man lunged after him, M turned around and got punched, and just about fell down the stairs. M's friend went up and stood to the side trying to diffuse the situation, boyfriend-man tried to have a go at him again and Chris jumped in front of him and told him to back off and that he needed to calm down. Boyfriend-man started swinging at Chris, who blocked a couple of blows and then one caught him, his glasses cut his eye and fell off, Chris lost his footing and couldn't defend himself anymore, so caught another couple of blows and fell. Chris's brother saw all this and jumped in, he got punched too, then the boyfriend-man took off. Mall security caught him, the police were called and took statements, arrested the guy with 3 counts of assault against him. After taking Chris's statement, they allowed him and his brother to leave so they could go to the hospital and get his eye taken care of. He's now got 7 stitches just under his eyebrow. I've got a very blurry picture on my phone, and he says there's no black eyes, but his eye is swollen slightly. They're all fine though.

I have a number of emotions running through me right now. In Ogden area, people are known for carrying guns and knives. This could have been so much worse, and I'm glad it wasn't. I'm irritated that I had to find out that something happened on Facebook (someone posted a vague statement about them being jumped by "people" - which lead me to believe that he'd been robbed at knife/gun point by a gang of people...yes, my imagination does run wild at times). Chris knew that I'd had a rough day, that I was having contractions and just wanted me to sleep, I'm very glad that he was being so respectful of me, but would still have liked to find out about it from him...maybe I'm being picky. I'm angry at the guy for hitting my husband. I'm VERY angry at M, too. Some comments should be kept to one's self. I've taken my children to the theaters with me while they were small like that, AND M was with us too. He could have apologized that it hurt her feelings, but he didn't. The boyfriend could have just walked away from the whole situation too, but he didn't, and now he's in jail facing even more jail time, depending on what the judge has to say. Great fun. I kind of feel like a white-trash-soap-opera thinking of the whole situation. LOL

Sam's Club and "Clown Cars"

Chris took the 3 older kids to Utah for the weekend, so it's just me, Celeste and Mom here for today and tomorrow. We decided that since we didn't have an over-abundance of little helpers, we would get some dinners in the freezer for me. We made a list of stuff we needed, then decided that we didn't need to cook breakfast for ourselves and headed to Subway. We ate our fill there and then went to Sam's Club. We decided that I needed to drive one of their 'clown cars' around the store (I really hate driving those things around). You get some interesting stares and comments from people while driving one of those around. Here are just a few:

"Thanks for the "close encounter"! HAHA" (I really didn't find this one all that funny, but that guy sure did.)
(to his wife)"Ya gotta watch out for those crazy drivers - they're getting younger and younger these days!" (this one actually made me literally laugh out loud!)
(from another 'clown car' driver)"What are you in here for? I smoked for too many *beep* years!" I answered that I'm trying to keep a baby inside and his response was "Well, your reason is a lot better than mine!" (a lady walked by and tried to get grandpa-man and I to race...LOL)

I also got some snide remarks and some stares...the stares mainly came from children (they just can't help themselves). But, believe it or not, there were GROWN adults that were staring me down. I really hate being the center of attention, especially that kind!

We then decided that we needed lunch, so we went and got that and ate it on the way home. We got home and put Celeste in bed and got started in the kitchen. We ended up making 7 freezer meals today (you can see some of the recipes here). We decided we were short a couple of items and needed to go back to the store (but the real reason we went out again was to get supper...LOL). We'll be making a couple more recipes tomorrow. I sat down at the table and chopped things, opened cans, mixed ingredients, etc. Mom was the runner and the one standing at the stove all day. You'd think that just sitting down wouldn't cause a lot of problems, however, it sort of did. I'm in pain (contractions and cramps). Oh boy. I really do wish that I could have just a sliver of my "old life" back! *sigh*

Fire Drills and Church

I made it through an hour of church today (well, more like an hour and a half or so). We had a fire alarm go off just as we were starting to sing the closing hymn, so we evacuated and sat outside on the grass until the Fire Department and Fire Marshall came to shut off the alarm and give us the ok to go back inside. The alarm freaked Terra out so badly, she was almost hyperventilating, poor thing! We got her calmed down and were eventually let back inside to finish up Sacrament Meeting - we sang the closing hymn and had a closing prayer and were told that we had enough socializing outside and to please get to our classrooms so we could get back on schedule. Chris took Terra and James to Primary and came back to help me with the younger two. I decided I needed to go home (I was cramping up and just needed to rest), so we decided to keep Tyler and Celeste out of Nursery because they're both coughing and have runny noses. We have a little guy in our Ward that has Down's Syndrome and can't get sick or he'll be in the hospital for weeks, so we decided it was best to keep them out. Right now, they're running around the house and watching some cartoons, Chris is getting ready to go back to church for the remaining hour and I'm just sitting here...hoping that the pain goes away (and eating Cherries...YUMMY)! I'm feeling slightly frustrated that I couldn't even make it through all of church today, but feel grateful that I was able to go for at least an hour (and a half). I was swarmed by everyone, given hugs and well wishes, more offers of help and just felt very loved today. That part was very nice - I love it here!

Not Ready, I Guess

A lady in my Ward told me about a discount Bakery Outlet, so Mom and I decided to go check it out today. I was feeling ok this morning, a little tired from lack of sleep, but other than that, ok. I felt like I could handle a small trip to the grocery store and back, no biggie. We got kids ready and out the door. I grabbed a drink and a cheese stick so that I wouldn't get hungry along the way and thought that I would be fine.

We walked around the bakery outlet a couple times (think of a store the size of a large living room), picked what we needed and wanted and checked out. I was very shakey and quite dizzy when we left the store. We decided to go to Walmart and get McDonalds (since it was basically next door) while Mom went and got wipes at the back of the store. We got the wipes and our food and went and sat in the car for a while so we could eat. I finally felt ok enough to drive (since my mom didn't have her gps and didn't know her way around town), so off we went for home. We got home, let everyone finish eating, then put everyone in bed for naps. As soon as I sat down on the couch, I started crying...do you know how degrading it is to not even be able to make a SMALL grocery run without falling apart?! Wow...that's all I can say.

Mom made me go lay down for a bit, gave me ice water and then came out here and got busy doing some stuff. I cried for a minute and then felt so much better after just laying down for a while. I got up and have been a bump on the couch ever since. I haven't really had the energy to do much of anything for the rest of the day. I guess the restrictions really shouldn't be lifted all the way yet. How frustrating!!!

Update - First Dr's Appt.

We had our first doctor's appointment at our new office. It was somewhat comforting, but I think I still have questions.

All restrictions have been lifted, so I just need to listen to my body and decide what I should or shouldn't do from there (I'm also not considered high-risk anymore). The midwife was very straight-forward and didn't sugar-coat anything. Basically she said "if the baby is healthy and strong, then it won't go anywhere and I'll be fine, but if the baby is weak, no amount of bedrest will save it." She said that the fact that Baby has hung on this long is a good sign and this is VERY common and 95% of the time ends well.

I'm comforted that she's not worried about it, but at the same time, after all I've read, I'm not entirely certain I can safely be off all restrictions either. I still have cramping if I do too much. I still get very tired, as well. I do feel that this office is well informed and both Chris and I feel comfortable staying there for the duration of this pregnancy. I'll be meeting all of the midwives that are in that office throughout my term there, and as long as I'm not having any complications, I won't have to meet the OB's they work with. I've been invited to take a tour of the Labor and Delivery section of the hospital there and bring back any questions I have. She said with my past pregnancy history, that everything should work out just fine. Sadly, we weren't able to pick up the heartbeat on doppler, but she said not to panic because 10 weeks is the earliest that they've been able to pick one up, so it might still be too early. I have another appt in a couple weeks to finish up with the labs and what not, so she said they'd try again then.

I do have more questions that I thought of on the way home, and I'm still going to take it easy, my mom is going to stay here for a while longer so we can gauge things and see how things pan out, but the stress levels have gone down some. We've decided that we're probably not going to be traveling much this summer, which I am bummed about, but traveling is pretty hard on me while I'm pregnant anyway.

Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers in this, they have been very much appreciated!

One Week

I've made it one whole week on modified bedrest. GO ME!! I'm very glad that my mom is here. As much as I appreciated all the help I got from the ladies in my Ward, nothing beats my mom! The kids have been having a ball with her being here so far, too. They all ran out to greet her when she pulled up.

I have a follow-up appt tomorrow morning. I'll post on here what the doctor says, so don't call me please. I'm not sure how long my appt will take (the nurse said to, at minimum, count on an hour), but I will not be answering my phone during that time. Sorry! I'm hoping that I don't have to be on bedrest much longer and that this thing will heal up quickly, but I also know that might be a bit too optomistic! I know everything will work out though. I have faith in that much, at least!

I don't really have anything exciting to blog about, since I've been sitting most of the time, and haven't left the house since we got home from the ER. I'll do my best to keep you all posted on everything. I love you all and thank you for the prayers that have been offered on our behalf! God bless you all!

Good Things and Bad Things

I've been doing a lot of research about my "Subchorionic Hemorrhage/Hematoma" and have decided that the wealth of knowledge on the internet can be a good thing, but bad at the same time. I've found a support group and it really IS quite common, but it can be scary. I've found out that I really don't know much about my condition - the ER doctor didn't give me a lot of details on it, so I really don't know how bad it is. Thus far, I haven't bled yet, but in reading, a lot of doctors give the advice that the "blood has to come out sometime" which really freaks me out! I'm not sure how accurate that info is, but I guess this equipped me with some questions that I should ask at my follow-up appt on Tuesday. I had just been thinking mine wasn't bad because I hadn't been bleeding - apparently that's a wrong assumption (according to internet research). It can be bad with or without the blood and some women don't get diagnosed until half way through their pregnancy because the blood just hasn't come out yet...so it's sort of a "fluke" of the medical society that mine was diagnosed when it was - it's kind of weird to explain that...so I'll just move on.

This past week, I kept feeling...I don't really know how to explain how I was feeling. Like everyone was over-reacting maybe. Yes, I'd just been through a major ordeal, but I didn't feel like it was cause for such great alarm. I didn't consider myself high-risk...at all! Now, I think that there is some justification on everyone else's part after what I've read. Even though this is common, and most of the time, there is a happy ending involved, there are still quite a few women that lose their baby because of this. They might not have even had a very bad SCH to begin with, and the saddest thing is that it happens suddenly and instantly. A lot of times they will have seen and heard the heart beat within the last couple days (one lady they used as an example heard and SAW her baby and he was just fine...only hours later to have an excruciating pain and deliver the baby at home...she was 12 weeks pregnant). These stories bring me to tears. I don't want to lose my baby and was promised in a blessing that I wouldn't. Maybe that's the thing that's keeping me the most calm during this, but that promise is also contingent on the fact that I HAVE to obey doctor's orders. Have I been doing that fully?

After reading about just WHAT modified bedrest is, and what pelvic bedrest is (which are both what I'm on right now), sometimes yes, and sometimes no. Modified bedrest means I have bathroom privileges, shower privileges, and "foodage" privileges. I can also sit...I don't have to just lay down all the time. I can get up for a few minutes to stretch and move from room to room, but I can't do anything but rest. Pelvic bedrest means no intercourse, orgasms, exercise, straining of any of the muscles around the uterus, etc. Well, this one I've followed as closely as possible, but when you're resting all the time, your digestive systems slows down...causing none other than constipation. So the straining part....well, it needs work (too much info...I'm sorry). Stairs are another thing I am not supposed to do - they're considered exercise. Guess what?! I've got stairs in my home, and yes, I've navigated them a couple times a day, but have tried to stay away from them as much as possible, trust me. Stairs and I have a long history and I'd really like to just not go there. Did I mention that I found a support group of ladies online that are going through this? I don't remember and I'm too lazy to look back and figure it out. In this group, they've compiled a little bit of info that they've gleaned from each other and their personal doctors. It's not supposed to take the place of doctor's advice, just inform women of what they've all learned. It was very informative and I'm going to copy and paste it in here...so sorry, this is going to be a long post!

Welcome new members! We are never happy to welcome new members to this group but are glad you have found a place where you can share your stories of success and loss with women who know exactly what you are going through. Discovering that you have an SCH can be very scary. ER personnel, ultrasound technicians, and doctors give us a variety of prognoses, some very awful-sounding. But the reality is that often women do get through SCH pregnancies. To make things less daunting, we put together this guide. Please note that this hasn't been reviewed by a physician, but rather represents collective wisdom gleaned from women and men on this board.

There is also a lot of great info and some links to studies and more technical papers about SCH in the "message from the group owner" on the board's homepage. You will also find a ton of great information on the archives of this board. Try reading some old posts or doing a search for a specific concern.

What you can do to treat an SCH:
There are several studies that suggest that bed rest (i.e spending all of your time in bed, often laying on your left side, getting up only to use the bathroom or perhaps to shower) and modified bed rest (i.e. a bit of moving around to get a snack, move from room to room, etc. is OK, but you spend the majority of the day resting with your feet up) are helpful for SCHs, and many women on this board will corroborate this. Since there are no scientific studies which prove the effectiveness of bed rest, some doctors don't counsel it, instead telling patients that they only need be on pelvic rest (i.e. no sex, orgasms, breast stimulation; no exercise, lifting, straining, or going up multiple flights of stairs; pelvic rest is generally part of bed rest) or just to "take it easy". At a very minimum you should probably be on pelvic rest, and maybe on bed rest. If you're unsure about what to do, listen to your body. If you bleed from activity, try slowing down.
Here are guidelines from a noted perinatologist: modified bed rest starting the first day of red bleeding until 2 to 2.5 weeks after the last day of red bleeding. Lie on your left side as much as possible. After that, pelvic rest and generally take it easy until the SCH resolves. New red blood puts you back down for another 2 weeks
drink lots of water as it calms the uterus and helps to alleviate some of the cramping.
nutrition - make sure you're getting enough iron, as bleeding heavily can cause you to lose some, also be sure to take your b vitamins and get the right amount of folic acid! Some women feel better with high-protein diets (these can help w/ morning sickness too)
alternative remedies such as homeopathic arnica and acupuncture have helped women on this board.
try to stay calm - it's not easy when things are unpredictable, but reducing your stress will help you to heal

SCH symptoms
(these are just a few of the most common ones - scan the boards for more!)
bleeding - often bright red at the beginning of an SCH, and dark wine, brown, black or grey as the SCH begins to resolve. bleeding patterns vary widely - some women start with a bright red gush and then over a period of weeks, notice that bleeding decreases and becomes more brown. others have shorter periods of bleeding, followed by a break, then more blood. brown/grey/dark blood is generally blood from an older/resolving SCH and not something to worry very much about (get your doctor to confirm this). a new bright red blood bleed is often a reason to call in and check with your doctor. several doctors have stated that you don't need to go to the ER for a bleed unless you're filling more than a pad an hour with bright red blood AND feeling ill/woozy/unstable from the loss of blood.
cramping - blood from an SCH is an irritant to your uterus, so cramps often accompany an SCH. it's always a good idea to discuss cramping with your doctor so that you can distinguish cramps from contractions or other signs of early labor.
passing clots - coagulated blood from the SCH often comes out in clots. they are gross and often to be expected.
feeling tired - SCHs can wear you out physically and emotionally. try to take time to rest to give yourself energy to heal.

What to ask your Doctor/Perinatologist (peri) about your SCH:
diagnosis
-what are the dimensions (usually height, width and depth in cm) of your SCH? Does your doctor have a sense of how long it might take for it to resolve? (usually the answer to this is no… sadly, it’s nearly impossible to predict how long an SCH will last; some resolve in a few weeks, others a few months, and others persist through your entire pregnancy.)
-where is the SCH in relationship to your placenta and the rest of your uterus? If your peri can draw a picture for you it can be helpful to be able to see it.
-Is any of the placenta detached/torn from the uterine wall as a result of the SCH? If the placenta is torn, how much of it is torn away? Does your doctor expect it to reattach? How might the tear affect your pregnancy?
-how often does the peri want to see you? is this enough monitoring for you to feel comfortable between the peri and your ob or midwife?

"treatment"/restrictions
-What restrictions (bed rest, pelvic rest, "taking it easy") does your doctor recommend? what does your doctor mean by these? are they OK for you? can you fly with an SCH? Should you restrict car travel to a certain time or distance? For those of us at altitude, is it safe to go up or down a few thousand feet (or more) in elevation?
-Can you get prenatal massage or acupuncture to help discomfort and stress until the SCH resolves? Does your Dr. know of reliable massage/acupuncture practices for high risk pregnancies?

getting through it
-Can your peri give you a sense of what to expect in terms of bleeding and cramping? how much bleeding, of what color, and what kind of cramps can you expect? what symptoms would lead you to contact him or her between appointments? what can you do to soothe your cramps if you get them? -What might you be at risk for going forward in your pregnancy? if your doctor is worried about potential early labor, when does the hospital that he/she is affiliated with consider your baby to be viable? where is the best NICU in your area if you go into labor early? (hospitals vary, some consider a baby viable at 22 weeks, but 24 weeks is much more common.)
-What are your next milestones?

Other SHC-related issues:
unpredictability: The causes of SCH are little understood, and what helps them resolve even less so. This means that few doctors can even give you statistics on how the SCH will change your chances for reaching viability, preterm labor, or membrane rupture - it's all unpredictable, and seems to change from woman to woman and pregnancy to pregnancy. This might help explain why each doctor and practice seems to have a different approach - some prescribe bedrest while others do not, some will monitor closely and others just have you check in whenever you have a red bleed. All most will say is that an SCH gives you more of a risk for later complications, and that the longer it sticks around the more risk you've got. Exactly how much though? Few will say.
where is an SCH in your uterus? An SCH is below the chorionic tissue that the placenta attaches to. Many people think that an SCH is a separation in the placenta from the wall of the uterus, but that is only one possible type of SCH. An SCH actually does not have to be anywhere near the placenta, just below the chorion (i.e. the "C" in SCH, the tissure that covers your uterus, and what is shed during a period.) That is why it is important to figure out where the location is of the bleed is. If it is near the placenta or behind the placenta then it could (could... not will) cause the placenta to separate, or perhaps to detach if the SCH really grows, but if it is nowhere near the placenta then it's a bit less threating
severity of the tear - a doppler on the u/s can help determine if the tear is all genuinely a tear, or if part is just dark bc of regular blood (arterial?) flow between uterus and placenta.
placental tear that does not reattach: Sometimes a piece of the placenta will tear and never reattach due to an SCH. If this happens, doctors will look for signs that the rest of the placenta is compensating. If your baby is still growing on target, isn't showing other signs of distress, or u/s shows that the placenta is growing in other areas, this is probably what is happening, and the detachment is less of a cause for concern.
medicaid and WIC - if you are getting stung by the high cost of your high risk pregnancy, you may want to look into getting help from these programs; call or visit your local health office to find out more. when you are pregnant the income limit for medicaid goes up, so you may qualify even if you did not before you were pregnant. also, if you already have health insurance, medicaid can cover the additional costs of your co-payments and work as supplement to your current insurance.
vaginal delivery vs. c-section - you should discuss this with your doctor, but it is definitely possible to have a vaginal delivery with an SCH. many women here have, and there is no particular reason why a SCH (even an active one) would cause you to have to have a c-section.
placental lakes - no apparent impact on pregnancies, they appear to act like varicose veins in the placenta. Look scary, but harmless. Not necessarily tied to SCH - kind of random phenomena.
bright spots in your LO's bowel - while it can definitely be an indicator of a problem, they also pop up in SCH babies because the hemorrhage pigment can cross the membrane and be ingested with the amniotic fluid. Also scary, but if it appears/disappears between scans it's more likely pigment and not harmful.

Useful threads:
SCH stories
Ten things I learned from bed rest

Am I, or Am I Not?!

I just got a phone call from my midwifery center asking what my plans were. I was on the other line with Chris so I just let it go to voice mail. The message really rubbed me the wrong way! She said that she just got a note saying that I was "high-risk and transferring care, but that she also had another note saying that I was staying there - she had looked at my chart and the paperwork sent from the ER and said that all looked stable and that they just needed a follow-up u/s to confirm that all was healed and well, but that I wasn't high-risk and that she didn't know where I had gotten that info." HELLO?! It was THEIR OFFICE, one of their MIDWIVES that told me that! I'm not just pulling this info from thin air! Seriously! I know I shouldn't let this get to me, but really!

I hate being bounced around, so because of the fact that we had to get an OB's opinion, I just decided (with Chris's full consent too, by the way) to stay at this one office that has midwives that can deliver in the hospital setting. They completely down-played this whole situation and said that I probably wasn't high-risk, but they would do the follow-up and let me know for sure, but to just rest until then.

After talking with them and their billing office, and the hospital's billing office and our insurance's representative, we found out that I don't have to pay for anything on this baby unless I need a prescription, then it'd be a very small co-pay. Everything was being covered! Prenatal care, labor and delivery, postpartum, etc! At the midwifery office, I was going to have to pay around $1500 still...this move was saving us money. YAY! That was the main thing that I was holding on to for this transfer of care because of the disappointment of having to deliver somewhere else. It was heartbreaking for me (I know, you can call me crazy if you want to, but whatever)! I hate having to search for doctors...and GOOD ones! This group of ladies comes highly recommended and they're in the physicians plaza at the hospital, so I'm literally just right down the hall from L&D. That's a comfort for Chris. This whole ordeal really shook him up and he's bending over backward for me right now, bless his heart! I love that man!

Random

I'm not really sure what to type today. Nothing much has changed, but my cramping has been going down, so that is a good thing!

Today, there were two families in the Ward that wanted to help us out, so the kids got split up and are playing at someone else's house today. I'm sitting here by myself, and I'm not quite sure what I'm supposed to do! Normally if my kids were gone, I'd do as much as I could to get caught up on house work, but that's not really a possibility right now. So, what am I doing? Watching tv, chatting with my family online, and just bummin' around my bedroom! Although, the prospect of getting to take a shower or bath that is uninterrupted is sounding fabulous right about now! Hmmm, that sounds nice!

Did Someone Say High-Risk?!

Ok, you can call me crazy if you'd like, but I never once considered myself "high-risk" through this whole ordeal! At least, not until my midwifery office told me that I was and said I had to be checked out by an OB before going back there again this pregnancy! Can we say FRUSTRATING?! Yes, I knew it was serious, but high-risk? I've decided that a bad word! Moving on....

Another frustration (this is turning into a venting post) - I wasn't really prepared for the question "Is your child handicapped?" I should have prepared myself for that, but I didn't. I got that question by one of my helpers - it was purely innocent and just wanting to know how to handle his tantrums (his schedule is no longer consistent at the moment and it's causing issues), but it took me off guard. My answer was "yes and no". A bit cryptic, but after explaining that its just a speech delay and that he's not really handicapped, just still developing in that department, all was ok and everyone moved on. I'm just still hung up on it, for some reason. Ok, rant over. I need to get busy on doing my research online and finding a midwife that can deliver in a hospital - wish me luck!

Thankful And Frustrated

I can't say how thankful I am for things working out for the best. Chris called a member of the bishopric last night and he came over to help give me a priesthood blessing. In the blessing, I was promised that everything would be alright and the baby would be ok as well. That was such a comfort. That was around 8 pm, and then my house was full of the sound of the phone ringing and then the Relief Society President coming over to visit to see what we needed. We have a dinner lined up for tonight and Laura (the RS pres) came back over this morning and has been working away at cleaning my house to make me feel better. I'm so grateful for that, but I'm not so sure it makes me feel better knowing that I'm such a slob right now. It's even more frustrating knowing that I can't get right down and help her clean. I just get to sit and direct traffic and answer questions that need answering. We got to talk a bit this morning before the kids got up and then she had brought over stuff for breakfast for the kids. They even got to help her make French Toast!

The cramps are still there, but not as bad as they were yesterday (at least they're not as bad until I end up heaving - then I'm needing some pain meds)! We're all surviving and I'm very, very thankful for everyone's help and prayers!

Things Like That Just Don't Happen To "Us"

But today they did! Actually it started last night. I started cramping and at first thought it was just "round ligament" pains of my growing uterus and that it'd just go away after an hour or so. No biggie, right? Wrong! The pain increased more and more and we debated whether or not to go in to the hospital last night or not. After putting the kids in bed, we decided to just hold out and that the pain would probably subside by morning. A couple of times during the night, I awoke to VERY bad cramps and pains, I took some Tylenol and went back to bed, praying that it would be gone by morning. It was still there, so I had Chris hang around here until the midwifery office opened up so I could get an opinion on what needed to be done - maybe I was just being a hypochondriac, after all! After describing my pains to the midwife, she thought it best to go in to the ER or Urgent Care to get blood work drawn and and ultrasound to rule out an ectopic pregnancy and then to keep them posted on what was going on. This scared me because my midwifery office doesn't usually just jump to the "hospital" conclusion and feels that most things will resolve themselves.

I called a couple of urgent cares while getting kids dressed and myself ready and none of them would do this and all of them referred me to the hospital. We set out and I called a good friend (Jeanne - she took my kids once before when we were in the Urgent Care with James) and asked if we could drop the kids by and she gladly agreed to watch them, feed them and just love them to pieces! I checked into the ER and Chris drove them over to her house. They took some blood work, did a urine check, and then finally ordered and ultrasound. The lab tech doing the u/s wouldn't really give us a whole lot of info, but showed us the heartbeat on Baby and printed a picture for us to take home (we have a cute little 'blob' to show off now). She didn't, however, mark the u/s as "urgent" so the Radiology department took their time in looking it over. They found some blood leaking around the placenta and in a space between the placenta and uterine wall, which means there was some trauma there, somehow and it just needed to heal.

*This happened with Celeste, but it was about half way through the pregnancy and because one of my wonderful children decided to take a flying leap landing right on my stomach causing a slight tear.*

The ER doctor said that it is called a "Threatened Miscarriage" and that it is actually quite common. He said I'm not on full blown bed rest, but if I want everything to heal, I need to take it easy for a couple of weeks. Luckily, Chris has a wonderful boss (his Uncle) that decided to send someone else on his business trip through Wyoming, just so he could stay close by this week for me. He also said to let him know if Chris needed help with everything here in Colorado and he wouldn't hesitate to send someone out here. I'm glad things aren't bad enough that he needs to do that, but I was VERY grateful for the offer!

We are home from the hospital now, and Chris is making dinner and the kids are helping him with that. I'm glad things weren't worse, but we're still not out of the woods yet, though. We need to keep close tabs on everything for the next couple of days and if the pains don't stop or get worse, then we need to go back in. They also checked the possibility of my appendix causing issues, but so far, that's not the culprit. I'm going to go lay down and relax and watch cartoons with my kids (they're beginning to gather on my bed to watch some TV with me)!!