Bitter-Sweet Happenings And Soap-Boxes

So, in a matter of just a few days, I've completely lost my milk. I can't even nurse Celeste at night anymore. I'm sad.....but I'm not. I want my body back, but I'm sad that I don't have that "closeness" with her anymore. But, I, truthfully, think I'm more happy than sad. Let me explain.

When I am pregnant or nursing, I get depressed (which I have issues with normally anyway, it's just heightened during this time). I get some pretty massive mood swings (almost manic) and this time wasn't the exception....might have even been slightly worse! Yes, we've tried medication for it, and that just seemed to make things worse too, so I just deal with it as best I can (usually with good diet and exercise and some homeopathic drops)! So, for me to stop nursing is actually a time for some rejoicing and celebration because all of this irrational behavior (well, maybe not ALL of it :o) ) stops and I'm generally a more happy person to be around.

But, one of the biggest pet-pieves of mine is the fact that there are no diet/exercise helps out there for pregnant/nursing moms (none that are free anyway). The closest one is WeightWatchers (like I said, not free of charge). They give you an allotted calorie (points) in-take that you can have per day/week and each food you eat has a point value with it. You could easily modify this and just add the extra points that you'd need to have your body survive while producing the needed nutrients for yourself AND your baby (I wouldn't recommend doing this while pregnant, just eat healthy and worry about the weight afterward). I went onto the biggest loser website (love the show, don't ask me why, I guess I'm living vicariously through all of them) to try and get some help a couple weeks ago and I was shot down with a message saying that they couldn't legally help women that are pregnant or nursing. Talk about frustrating (remember what I said above about diet and exercise helping me out). So, now that I'm not nursing anymore, I can actually get some general help with this. I'm also glad that Celeste starting taking straight formula when she did, because the very next day, my supply had dropped off by probably half (I'd been giving her a bottle a day so that I could leave her with a sitter if I needed to and she'd be ok, so this wasn't the cause of it....I do this with all my kids and I've never lost my milk this fast before).

But, I'm still torn. Still FULL of left-over hormones from being preggo and all the wondeful hormones from nursing....I cry in the middle of the night because I can't comfort her....I have to get up, make a bottle, and watch as she gets mad (all the while getting more and more air-bubbles) that the bottle is all she gets. It's one of the bitter-sweet cross-roads in life, I suppose.