Monday, September 12, 2011


Have you ever sat and thought about things in your life and, even though you know differently, blame yourself? Or even wish things were different even though there's nothing wrong with them now? Or possibly mourn over something that doesn't need mourning over? Yeah, I do too. Especially when it comes to my children and their "issues" or insecurities. I blame myself for the deformities that they were born with. For the disabilities they have. The fact that they get picked on sometimes at school and thus are shy at times...I somehow feel the blame is mine.

I was wracked with guilt while in the waiting room of the hospital with Aralynn and while sitting there through that agonizing hour, I remembered feeling that exact same way with my other kids that had to go through the anesthesia and procedure process. Then, when we had to replace her bandage, I got my first glimpse at her "new thumb". It's not perfect. It's not pretty anymore. It looks like there's a rainbow shaped chunk taken out of it. Her knuckle isn't formed right either. It faces away from her hand, so even though we got the other thumb out of the way, her thumb usage will be 'distorted' and for some reason that bothers me. I'm going through the "did I do the right thing" phase of this procedure now. Did I? When it heals all the way and I get a better look at it, this might change, but for now, I'm second guessing myself. Deep down I know I DID do the right thing, if not for her gross motor skills, but for her to not have insecurities in having the extra appendage...even though that might still be the case if her thumb is still crooked after it heals up.

Also, I knew when Tyler was diagnosed with SPD that there would be issues with other children possibly making fun. We ran into our first issue of that yesterday. It made me want to be a grade-schooler and tell the other kid that Tyler wasn't weird *he* was! I wanted to scrunch my face up and stick my tongue out and call him a dummy, but I didn't. I simply explained that Tyler's brain doesn't think the same way as his does or anyone else's for that matter. Not one person's brain functions the exact same as another one, so, no, Tyler is NOT weird (this child was also, in my opinion, the poster child for Special Ed...just sayin' {sorry, that was rude}). This also made me want to pull him out of school and home-school him, keep him in a protective bubble. The only thing holding me back from doing that is the therapy that he so desperately needs and is receiving right where he's at. He couldn't get that from me. And that makes me sad. Its a punch in the gut to realize that you can't provide for your child's every need. A very sobering realization.

Gosh, why can't my life just be normal?! Would it make me a bad person to admit that some days I wish that I had some normalcy around here?! I hope not, because I totally do.

Monday, August 29, 2011

What's On Your Mind?

I've gotten this question a lot over the last week. Trust me, if anyone saw the inner workings of THIS'd be a one-way ticket to the funny farm, I'm sure of it!

Aralynn's surgery is this week. I'm not sure I'm all that prepared for it. We've both had blessings and have been assured that things will be ok. But define "ok"...I know, I know, its the pessimist in me coming out! I dislike this side of me because it causes me worry that's entirely not warranted. I know what to expect, but then again, I don't. I've been through similar situations twice before, but those were such different circumstances on BOTH children that it just seemed pretty "cut and dry" (excuse the unintended pun). With Aralynn, there are so many variables that we just won't know until surgery day. There's only so much that the X-rays show. We DO know that it's one of the easier ones to fix. It attaches just below the knuckle and shouldn't effect the growth plates in the thumb or the "inner workings" of the thumb. They won't know, however, the condition of the ligaments, blood vessels, etc. until they cut into the thumb and start working on the separation of everything. They may or may not have to cut the remaining bone ("fracture" it) and pin it so that it grows back straight. They couldn't get a clear enough X-ray to decide that. If they do, then we're in for another round of procedures to remove the pin after it heals. We also might be looking at physical therapy for her hand to get it working properly. I'm praying that's not the case. Having one child going through therapies is tough enough. I don't envy those parents that have to do this with multiple children! I'm glad for the "normalcies" in my life.

Tyler is improving immensely. People can actually understand a good portion of what he's saying now. He's seeming more and more "normal" in society's eyes, but he's still just different enough to annoy some people. We were in the store the other day and I was trying on things in the dressing room with Aralynn and Chris had the rest of the kids with him. He'd made the comment of "lets go potty" and Tyler took off in the wrong direction, attempting to go through a door. This door happened to be the fire escape door and the alarm was set off. A couple of the kids had to go really bad, so Chris just hurried them off to the bathroom to take care of that problem. Since the dressing rooms were right next to said door, I got to over-hear the conversations between some employees. They were dropping the f-bomb and saying that some punk kids were running loose in the store. This was not true in the least, but people will see what they want to see. I finished up in the dressing room and went to put some things back on the racks and I was approached by one of the employees asking if I had seen anything or knew who did it. I replied "yes" and then the employee went off on another tangent about the "punk kids" again. I simply said, "it was my son." and turned and walked away to find the rest of my family, leaving the employee with his foot in his mouth. He went and got the manager and said that I knew something. When we went up to pay, Chris took the kids and went outside and I was cornered and the interrogation began. I was lectured first about the importance of not letting my children touch such important things in the store as the fire escape and then the questions started coming. Were we trying to leave out that door? What happened? I looked them square in the eyes and said "my son has special needs and doesn't understand things the way that others do." Enlightenment came to their eyes and they backed away slowly...almost like it was a contagious thing they were afraid of catching. I'm sure they'd heard horror stories about other families that have SN children in their family and think that the world owes them everything. This is not something that I believe in, but I will NOT let the world walk all over my child because they think he should "know better", when clearly, he just doesn't/can't understand.

He starts school tomorrow. I'm very excited about this, but I'm also hesitant too. The other kids started last week and it's been a week full of adjustments for everyone, only to have more adjustments happen this week. Anytime you change a child's schedule, it create havoc. Now throw special needs in there. Our house is an assortment of screams, tantrums and complete and utter chaos. This will only get worse before it gets better. There are so many factors that we could throw in this mix just to give a good, clear picture of my life right now, but I'm sure you don't want to hear about the potty training messes, the food aversions to some foods along with the over-indulgence to others....the list could go on. But for now, I think I'll just close this down with the satisfied appreciation that my house will be sparkling by week's end. I need to keep my mind occupied somehow to keep it off the surgery and other bumps in the road that we'll experience this week. I'm also going to have a little shadow in the afternoons. Celeste isn't going to quite know what to do with herself anymore. She depends so heavily on the entertainment of her siblings, that she's just going to be lost! Any and all crafts that are toddler friendly are welcome for suggestion!!! I'm sure I'm going to run out of ideas VERY soon!

Saturday, June 25, 2011


I've been rather frustrated the last couple of months. I've been rejoicing since we paid off our car in a little less than 2 year (YAY!!!!!!!!!!!) but it seems like ever since I wrote that last check we've been struggling financially. WEIRD!!! It should have freed up our budget some. We've had a few things happen (be it in car repairs or needing new clothing for kiddos, etc) so it effects our only flexible expense (groceries). We've been dipping into our food storage (which I'm so grateful to have), but that is very frustrating for me because we're still building it up from the last time we had to dip into it's slim-pickings. So out of desperation and intrigue, I've started looking into couponing. I'm not gonna lie...........its freakin' confusing to me. Especially after watching the show "Extreme Couponing". Regular "couponers" make me feel incompetent anyway but this show makes me feel very brain-dead. I've tried and tried to figure out just HOW people know what's for sale AND just know what coupons they have in their books (did you know there are binders made specifically for holding coupons?!) AND know just when the stores will be doubling/tripling coupons....I just don't get it. So a good friend of mine decided to try and help me figure these things out. Here's what I've learned so far.

Stacking coupons - (manufaturer's coupon + store coupon = EL CHEAPO FOODAGE and/or OTHER PRODUCTS)
Expired coupons = junk for me, but can be mailed to some military address (which i still have yet to find) for ppl to use at the commissary to shop
Clipping coupons - unless you want confetti, please don't let anyone under the age of 6 help you out :/ even 6 year olds need constant supervision

Um........I know that's not all that much. But I also know that just starting out is the WORST time to be a couponer (from reading). I'm determined to make this work though. Any other suggestions on couponing? I'm open for lots of hints, tips and suggestions!

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

My Day In A Nutshell

(copied from FB)

Have you ever had one of those days where -

* You're more than slightly tired when you wake up for the day because the baby didn't sleep all that well.

* You debate on whether or not you should send your child to school even though the dr says he's ok and not contagious (and you just KNOW that the teachers are gonna say something to you about it....which they totally do after he gets off the bus).

* You have to ground another child because he's supposed to be doing chores and blatantly ignores you and just goes downstairs to play games anyway.

* You're almost late dropping grounded child off at his school because the bus for the "non-sick" child is late getting to your house.

* You feel like you're buried beneath a never-ending pile of laundry and you really, really, REALLY would like to just see the light at the end of that tunnel (even if it's train coming your direction instead of an outlet - the train would have at LEAST made a path you could get through, right?!).

* You start to make dinner (pulled "pork" sandwiches, potato salad, veggies) only to get most of the way done cooking the potatoes and you realize you have no mayo OR pickles to add to this salad, the buns for the pulled pork are STILL in the freezer and the pulled "pork" is still in the freezer too.

* You call your hubby to ask him to drop by the store and grab a couple of things for you since he should be almost home anyway and you find out that he's STILL an hour and a half or two away.

* You realize while on the phone with your hubby that he's not going to make it home in time for you to get to a meeting (GNO, really) that starts at 6:30.

* You think of a "plan b" for dinner and that plan doesn't work either because you only have TWO hot dogs left in the fridge and hubby and kids ate tater tots as a snack during Spring Break last week and didn't tell you about it.

* You start to think of a "plan c" and that would be ok, but you're not sure you have everything you need for that one too, so you just start making "plans d-z", just to be on the safe side of of them has GOT to work, right?!

* Your kids are outside playing in the backyard and all of them all at once start to scream and cry - you go to investigate and you get them calmed down and STILL have absolutely NO idea why they were crying int he first place....they don't know either, in fact. One just started so the others followed suit.

I don't even want to ask if this day could get any worse, because knowing my "luck" of how things have gone already, the answer would most definitely be a loud resounding YES! So, how was YOUR day?!

Wednesday, March 23, 2011


I tried to be one of these today and it didn't work out so well.

Lately, my milk supply is having issues, plus, I'm just so ready to be done with nursing altogether. I've been trying to get Aralynn used to a bottle, but she's not too excited about it. I finally found a bottle nipple that she was happy with, but my back-up supply in the freezer had been depleted by then. I tried formula and this makes her projectile vomit - not just once, but for a few hours following that feeding. So we've been experimenting with different formulas so that we can get her used to this stuff, and she's still not having any of it at all. I might have to start pumping more to see if I can get her used to the bottle first before attempting anymore formula. I tried to give her formula today and she cried and cried and then puked all over me. I tried to put her down for a nap and she wouldn't let me put her down, so I had to carry her around all day looking a little something like this...

I'm sure she was having a blast!

I also tried to attempt the potty training feat of not just one, but two kiddos today. I set the timer for 20 minutes and took the kids potty twice. After that, they figured out what the buzzer was for, so every it went off, BOTH of them would run in the other direction and mess in their pants and because I looked like I did in the picture above, the chasing of said children wasn't an easy task to undertake. Yeah.....I pretty much gave up on the potty training junk. I think I'm going to be changing diapers for the rest of my life at this rate!

The toy box got emptied in no time today. One child started the task, another one finished it, and the follower got stuck in the box because she's much too short to climb out of them on her own and had no toys to climb on to get out of it. Oops!

I decided to have a fun, special lunch today for James. Tomorrow is his birthday and I'm going to be running errands and going Visiting Teaching in the morning before he goes to school. I got online and showed him the cool sandwiches that Domino's Pizza made and he picked one, I picked one and then we ordered an extra for Tyler and Celeste to share. I clicked submit (gotta love that online ordering system) and after about 10 minutes of watching the progress, I remembered that today was early day at school. This means that James has to be at school an hour earlier than normal so they can get out of school earlier too. School started in a little less than half an hour. ARGH!!!! CURSE YOU EARLY RELEASE DAY!!!! I made them PB&J sammiches and loaded them in the car. Normally when the delivery guy comes our way, they have to go by the school. I was hoping that today wouldn't be the exception to that. I got James off to school and was standing by my car waiting for the doors to open to his classroom and here comes the delivery car. I flagged them down and told them that was my order, so I got that taken care of right outside the school. The other moms poked fun at me for ordering sandwiches and having them delivered to the totally wasn't intentional, but hey.....I'll take what I can get!

Wednesday, March 16, 2011


I love how, no matter how many baby toys you get a child, the real babies are still the best things ever. As are their toys.

When kids hurt their fingers, they want you to kiss all of them that are hurt. And then they don't understand why mom freaks out, or burst out laughing when they flip her off.....cuz they want me to kiss that finger better.

Why do they make clothes that "fit the average two year old" when in reality, it probably wouldn't even fit the "average one year old"?! Celeste is wearing a dress now that's a 3T in size, but it doesn't really even cover her diaper....especially when it's wet and saggie!

Why do chicken nuggets not taste good when they're on your own plate. BOTH Celeste AND Tyler absolutely hated their lunch, until I dumped each of their nuggets and grapes on the table, swapped plates, and then reloaded their food on the other plate.....then suddenly the food was divine. Weirdos! They take after their father, I'm sure....since I'm TOTALLY NORMAL!

The word "mine" triggers something in Tyler...especially when Celeste says it. He throws a fit and cries and yells back at her the very same word. These arguments are never-ending and completely pointless! Yesterday, I got Tyler off the bus and immediately put him in the car so we could take James to school. He hadn't even made it all the way into the car or sat down, for that matter, before Celeste looked at him with a look of satisfaction, evil and just pure impishness and said "mine!" with a smile spreading ever so widely across her face. For the whole 45 minutes that we were in the car (I had to run some errands too), they argued, hit, kicked, cried and egged each other on. I'm afraid I need to separate them, but not quite sure how to do this with the seating arrangements being the way they are!! There's got to be a legal way to put duct tape on their mouths and place them in straight jackets.....but only while they're in the car, of course! Celeste also will pick up her toys and let out a blood curdling scream if she even SEES Tyler enter the same room as her, she's convinced that he'll take her toys away from her....oh these two kids......

Celeste is turning into Elmira (off of Tiny you remember her?!)....except its with poor Aralynn instead of animals. Yesterday, Aralynn sneezed and Celeste ran around the house searching for a tissue, when she couldn't find one, she opened the wipe box, pulled out 2-3 wipes and proceeded to smash Aralynn's face and poke the poor baby in the eye.

I tried to do yoga with Terra to help her out with some anxiety issues she's been having....I'm not sure whether or not to be offended that she laughed at me the entire time. I still struggle with my balance after having this last baby, ok! *stop laughing, I can totally see you all through this computer screen, dang-it!* That yoga session only lasted about 10-ish minutes before I, myself collapsed on the floor laughing at Terra's peels of giggles! Kids' laughter is so contagious when they get going! I LOVE IT!

Oh, and Aralynn turned 3 months old today at 4:30 am....I wasn't awake to celebrate it however, so a later "wahoo" of celebration is all she gets from me! I can't believe it's been 3 months already! Crazy how fast time flies during this phase of their lives!