I've started and deleted this post about a dozen times. I've "written" it in my mind, but then when I get to paper and pencil, or computer and keyboard, I can't remember half of what I had (which was all good stuff, mind you) or, it just doesn't feel right to put out there. So, after wiping the slate clean, I'm just sitting here, about to wing it.
We lost the house which we had tried so hard for, the other day. All because the inspector listed an outbuilding as a "barn". With the type of loan we're getting, we can't have a barn on the premises or it won't qualify for the loan. We were 3 days away from signing the papers on it. The sellers are livid, understandably so. They are claiming that they will get a lawyer and take us to court over this so they can get "due diligence" or at least the earnest money. That's a lot of stress to deal with. There's nothing they'd be able to do to us (we were protected by a contract agreement that they signed, too), but still, it's aggravating. We're hurting too, but, when in pain, it's hard to see that there are others suffering as well. I don't blame them, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't harbor feelings for the threat of law-suits. That's a hard pill to swallow, but I'm working on it.
Now on to the boxes in the house. The bane of my existence (for more than one reason). If I could magically make them hide, that would be great. We can live comfortably on what is still left out, but seeing them here is a big reminder and also a big trigger for poor Tyler. It's frustrating. He's acting out and being naughty, but a lot of it he can't help....so how should punishments go? Do I punish him for his disability? Because, in essence, that's the "why" behind the "what" that is going on around here. The boxes are also an eye-sore. They're not pretty....even if I drape a table cloth over the top of them (not saying I've tried this tactic....ok, well, maybe I have)...that just makes it worse. My house is starting to look like an episode of "hoarders". I wasn't too worried about cleaning and house work, mainly because it'd be easier to clean it without all this stuff in here, including the furniture. Yeah, well, now that all THAT isn't going anywhere, I'm left with a mess...it makes it look like I'm a terrible house keeper. Shhh, don't tell anyone!
But, on a happier note, I have an amazing family. My husband got home from his business trip and gave me a hug and a kiss, and then just held me for a bit. I would have stayed there forever, but....piano lessons and life were calling, so...*sigh*. We immediately started re-evaluating things. Praying for guidance and then we looked on the internet for what was available. it's slim-pickin's compared to when we started looking (over a year ago). We're trying to not get disheartened and keep positive, but that's easier said than done. Today I've had to make a conscious effort to stop the bad/negative thoughts from consuming me. So, 5 things that make me happy today are:
1 - Its Chris's and my 10th wedding anniversary! Crazy to think its been 10 years, but they've been wonderful and I've loved it all!
2 - We got some beautiful family pictures done, and I'm loving them thoroughly!
3 - My brother-in-law dropped everything to come out and help us pick up the pieces...and to give Chris and I a break from the kids for our anniversary!
4 - My family, Chris's family - they're behind us 100% and I've felt their love and encouragement more these last couple of days. Thanks guys!
5 - Prayer. Just after we'd received the news on the house, I was crying and wandering aimlessly around the house. My friend, Anna, posted something on her blog that brought on the thought "Sandi, just pray, trust me." I went to my room and knelt beside my bed and prayed. Even though it didn't take the tears away, or the hurt entirely, it brought peace and a feeling of "It's gonna be ok, you watch and see." I trust those words, thoughts and feelings and cling to them now, more than ever. We will be ok. We'll just paste a smile on and muddle through it all. It's gonna be ok, you watch and see.