Special Needs

Having a special needs child is so full of rewards, however, there are some days that you have to dig to find them, others they just appear! I love it when, randomly, Tyler will burst through the door and give me a hug and a kiss for no apparent reason. That makes my mommy-heart feel awesome!

There are also challenges that go with this sort of thing as well. How do you get others to understand? How do you help them cope? These are two questions swirling through my mind right now. He's causing trouble in the nursery, and they want me to tell them how to "fix it". The problem is...I have no idea! His whole world was thrown into turmoil this summer with the lack of structure to his schedule. It's not his fault, they know that, but there are other little children that they're worried about as well. I don't blame them. There are days I'm at my wits end with him, so I know that frustration very well. The only difference between them and me is I still love him very dearly at the end of the day (when he's angelically sleeping...LOL, just kidding, I love him regardless). My best reply to give to them when put on the spot? If he's causing that much trouble, please come get us, we totally understand (been there, done that). They are in the process of getting an extra nursery aid to help out in there (Ty isn't the only one with special needs and certainly isn't the most "needy"...don't take that as a rude comment, because it's not meant that way).

Earlier today, someone asked Celeste where mommy was. She replied something that sounded like "da bom". When asked to repeat it, it sounded more like "da bum". Yes, I am a bum, but I also like to think of myself at the moment as "da bum that is da bom" !! LOL, yes, I'm a nerd, that's ok - I'm at peace with that fact!!

LolliLocks Kids Hair Salon

Terra's hair grows so fast. She just got it cut and some spots grow faster than others, so it was looking shaggy. Mom and I decided all the kids needed hair cuts before school started in a couple weeks (freaky thought...2 weeks till school)! The boys went first, and they're now ever-so-stylishly buzzed for school...YAY!! Celeste had a go at the hair cutting thing too. She now has eyes that are visible and the curls stayed after this hair cut (on Terra, they didn't when she was this age...go figure). Terra went next and we clipped here and cut there and got it to where we thought it looked good. She took a shower and went to bed. This morning, it didn't look so great. There were places that looked uneven and she still had that "shaggy" look about her. We went out to lunch (to use up some "free" coupons - neither one of us wanted to fix lunch, might as well let others wait on us too). While at lunch I told my mom about this kids salon down the road and how great they did with Terra a few years ago when she had a run-in with the scissors. We went there after lunch and they got right to work. There wasn't much that they had to cut to make it "perfect". They then styled it and sprayed it with glitter. Terra felt like a princess for a few hours. She kept asking us throughout the afternoon if the glitters were still in her hair. LOL

We decided to go grocery shopping, so I got a "clown car" and drove around the store. The kids laughed and poked fun of me...which was great for my image, but today, for the first time since I've been driving those things, I had people jumping to help me out. I had employees getting things for me, other customers grabbing this and that...it was rather nice not getting smart-alec comments from people. I guess I should go shopping mid-day if I'm going to go at all. We got back out to the car and I had to take some pain meds. Not cool. We went to Sam's Club and then Costco, and then I made mom drive home. I started having contractions in Costco, and they didn't subside until after we got home (Costco is a good 25 minute drive from home).

After we got home, Tyler had a MAJOR melt-down. Think of an autistic child throwing a fit. This is Tyler. You can't reason with him, if anyone invades his "space" (about a 2-foot perimeter around him) he becomes violent, even if they're just trying to grab their toy that has landed near him, he doesn't like it one bit! A while after finally getting him calmed down, he came and sat by me. He started to get angry again and bit my arm. I bit him back...he got this look of total shock and surprise and couldn't figure out just WHY I had bitten him. He promptly stopped his crying and went and told on me. Nice (*rolling my eyes*).

And, apparently, when doing "science experiments", one time is NEVER enough to satisfy the imagination! I'll let you know MY experience and hopefully, your children will NEVER want to do this...

When your child unrolls the TP, and drapes it (still attached to the roll) into the toilet and flushes...it does NOT keep unraveling as it's being flushed...regardless of how many times the toilet is flushed OR how much TP is in the toilet. Yup, it's been a FUN day at our house!

Cabin Fever

My kids are really starting to feel cooped up - especially when I won't let them play video games all day! Mom had an idea that we could take them and their bikes to the park, mom and the younger two could play on the equipment and I could sit on the bench and watch...

I wore my tennis shoes, which made my back not hurt as badly as it normally does, so I felt like I could do a little more. I, again, shouldn't have. I hurt pretty badly tonight.

It was great for the kids though, and they kept asking to go back all afternoon. It was nice to get out, but, then again, I'm not sure if this pain is worth leaving the house (or at least the moving around I did after getting home anyway).

By the way, does anyone still read this? I feel like I'm typing to no one in particular anymore!

Getting Used to Disappointment

I don't think that I ever will be used to this particular thing.

I spent all day yesterday planning and preparing my lesson. It took me all day because I couldn't sit for very long without hurting, or losing my attention. I was so proud of myself to be able to accomplish this thing. It was completely with a poster and cutsie little hand-outs (and candy, who doesnt' like getting that). I was hurting pretty bad last night, but thought I would feel slightly better this morning. But not so. All I've been able to do today is cry. I got up, showered, got dressed, got kids dressed, breakfast, etc - all the while, crying intermittently. We made it to church a little late, but we were all there just as they started to say the prayer. I got elbowed and kicked, which would bring on the tears I was trying so hard to keep at bay. Chris asked me after sacrament meeting was over if I needed to go home and I said I'd like to sit on the couches outside for a bit before deciding. An amazing woman in my ward came up and gave me a hug and asked about the baby and how things were going. I replied my same reply that I give to almost everyone, "the baby's fine and I'm ok most days." She then informed me that I was in her prayers each and every day, and she's been trying to keep my name on the prayer roll at the temple. I broke down again and thanked her. She hugged me again and left for class. Another sweet lady came up and said that she had a feeling as she was leaving the chapel that I needed a hug and some love, so she came back in to give it. I again cried harder and thanked her. She left for class and then Chris showed back up (he had taken the kids to their classes) and tenderly helped me up, gave me a hug and told me to go home, no questions asked. I sobbed. Mom and I left and I'm not sure which hurts more...the emotional disappointment, or the pain in my stomach. Both are pretty high right now.

Every time I think I get control over my emotions, someone smiles at me or talks to me and I start crying all over again. Today's just going to be a rough day, I think. I had another thought just occur to me...we have our Home Teachers coming over today. I sure hope I can get a nap or get a hold of myself before they arrive! I really hate being so emotional...it makes me feel weak!

Recreational Drugs

I have NO understanding of why people do these! The ER gave me a prescription for Vicodin the last time I was in there. It was only 6 pills, but I had heard once that Vicodin is stronger than Percocet, and that throws me for a loop! I end up cutting them in half and only taking half a pill. I just automatically did the same thing for the Vicodin and it's a good thing I did. I get dizzy and walk around like a drunken person for about an hour, and then the room still spins for another hour. But the plus side of all of this - I feel no pain for about 3 hours! Oh how lovely! I'd almost forgotten what it feels like to be pain free! I'm down to two half pills and there are no refills. I'm beginning to wonder what I'll do when this runs out. But this brings me to my first statement of the post. I really have NO idea just why people do this for fun. I hate the feeling of helplessness that happens about 20 minutes after taking the pill. It's almost debilitating! Why would someone do this for no apparent reason other than to "look cool" to his/her peers?! I just don't get it. Another thing I don't get...when they gave me Morphine while I was in the ER in the past, my muscles would cease up, spaz out and my jaw would lock up for a few minutes. My oxygen levels would dip a little bit too. Again, why anyone would do this without due cause/reason, I haven't the foggiest idea!

Things are just plugging right along around here, and we have some semblance of normalcy most days (other than the drugs, of course). I've very much loved having my mom back here with me. I'll miss her very much when she leaves again, but I can't hog her all the time, I suppose! There is really no news to update on - since I'm still pretty much down most of the time (laying down, that is...I try not to be depressed-down much). One of my friends came up one afternoon last week and it was so nice to see her, but I felt bad because I hadn't planned anything for us to do, so we just kinda sat around stared at the kids playing...sorry Seandra! Maybe I won't be such a party animal next time!

We did find out Tyler's schedule for school this next year and they've, once again, place him with the older crew of kids (not that he'll be much out of place - he's bigger than most of them anyway). They've invited him to go 4 days a week instead of the normal 2 for his age group. We've agreed and feel that he'll grow so much more in doing things this way. The other day, though, this brought me to the realization that it'll just be me and Celeste at home in the afternoons most of the week! I'm not sure I'll know how to cope with that! I'm used to the noise and kids running around everywhere! It will definitely be a change, and probably a good one this year. Blessings come in all ways, shapes and forms. Sorry this is mostly just a rambling post. I didn't want you all to think I'd fallen off the face of the earth, but there's really not too much happening around here other than the same-old-stuff! I hope things are well with all of you!

More Normalcy

I had my appointment yesterday and they drew more blood for the thyroid test. I just got the results back and they are completely and totally NORMAL! Nothing to worry about with that one anymore! YAY!!! I am SOOOO happy that I have one less thing to worry about with this pregnancy. Thanks for all the prayers - I know they worked in our behalf! *doing the happy dance*

Counting My Blessings

As much as I've been feeling sorry for myself lately (for going to the ER and being told there's nothing wrong and to just go home), I am still very blessed to still have my little peanut inside me, and she is healthy. Yes, you read that right...we're about 80% sure that there's a girl in there, we'll find out for sure on August 6th! I'm on a couple of pregnancy boards online and there was a lady on there that is a couple weeks further along than I am and she hadn't told her family or other children that she was expecting yet. She wanted to find out what she was having first. She went in for her normal visit and they couldn't find the heartbeat, they did an ultrasound and couldn't find one there either. They then sent her over to the hospital to have an actual tech do one, and again, they found no signs of life. My heart broke for this poor woman and it made me really think twice about my situation.

Even though things have been hard, and at times have seemed impossible to get through, I still have my baby inside, healthy and strong! I still have my whole family in tact (this is another thing that is plaguing that pregnancy board...seriously...so many issues for people to deal with)! I have family that is ready and willing to come out and help me at the drop of a hat. I have friends and fellow Ward members that will come over and help me when needed. Everyone is rallying around me SO much, that I really am feeling so blessed to have such great family and friends! What are some things YOU are thankful for in your life?!

ER Visits - We Have A Love/Hate Relationship

Tuesday I got up and sort of felt a little off and as the day progressed, this "feeling off" got a little worse and I started to feel cramps/contractions. I could time them. By the time bedtime rolled around and all the kids were in bed, I was in MAJOR pain! Chris almost took me in, but I insisted that I'd be fine, just let me sleep it off - so I took some Tylenol PM and went to sleep. The next morning, they were subsiding some. They were still there, I could feel them, but they were definitely not as bad as the night before. Chris wanted me to call the midwives and let them know what was going on. When asked to describe the pain, the only thing I could think to tell them (instead of "it just hurts on the inside") was that it felt like my membranes were being stripped about every 15-20 minutes...there is a sharp pain and then dull throbbing that follows. The nurse took notes and then relayed the message on to the midwife that was available. When she called me back, she laughed at my description and said that she could tell I've had a baby or two. She wanted me to come in and give a sample so they could send it to the lab to be cultured to rule out infections. This would take a couple of days for the results to get back, and in the mean time, to just call back if the pains picked up again or got closer together. She also said there were a couple other things that it could be. (1) My uterus is stretching causing muscle spasms, or (2) I could be miscarrying (the fact that I could time them worried her, some).

So, I went in, gave them the sample, took mom to the store, came home, realized she forgot something, went back to the store (I stayed in the car with the kids both times, mind you), and then came home. I really didn't do enough to cause pain, so I thought, oh, I'll be just fine.

Sadly enough, around 5 pm, they picked up again. At first, I thought it wouldn't be so bad, but then they progressively got worse. Just before the kids' bedtime, I called the midwife on-call and talked to her for a bit, she said I could either wait it out until morning and then come in to be monitored, or just go in to the ER, it was my choice (the pain levels I was in would determine what I would do). She said that she'd just plan on me coming into the office in the morning unless I called back and told her otherwise. I got off the phone and talked it over with my mom and Chris. Part of me wanted to go in, but another part of me just KNEW there was nothing wrong and I was over-reacting. I finally decided to have Chris take me in, so he put the kids in bed, I called the midwife back, and then we took off. I cried all the way to ER because I was so afraid they would actually FIND something wrong - I was afraid of them finding no heartbeat (yes, the pain was that intense).

We got there and got checked in, and as I sat there, I kept asking myself what we were doing there?! As soon as I'd make up my mind to say something to Chris that we should just go home, another wave of pain would overpower me, so I couldn't say anything. Chris said he was very glad that he brought me in. After about an hour, I finally got called back and put in a room. My nurse (who was amazing, by the way) immediately helped me change into a gown, got me some ice chips, went and got a Doppler and tried to find the heartbeat. It took (literally) a couple of minutes to locate - which totally freaked me out, but as soon as I heard that tiny heart beating, I burst into tears of joy! My baby was still alive! They got my IV's hooked up after that, they asked more questions and after I told them of my previous visit, went in search of my ultrasound and other records to give to the doctor. He looked them over, and brought in the Travel Ultrasound Machine (tiny little thing that just says "yes there's a baby in here and there's the heartbeat"). He found the baby and the heartbeat and the whole time we were looking, this baby was doing acrobatics (a VERY good sign). Arms were waving, legs were kicking and somersaults were happening. It made me cry again. Although he was not an u/s tech, he could not see the SCH I was diagnosed with a few weeks ago, but said that didn't mean it wasn't still there. His best guess was that it HAD gotten smaller, but we'd have to have a regular u/s tech do a scan to see for sure. We did notice, however, that the placenta was at the bottom of the screen. He couldn't answer whether or not that meant it was covering the cervix or not (again, we'd have to get an actual u/s to look in depth). They did end up doing another urine culture and drew blood and also did some swabs to test for infections. They found two different ones. Alone, they probably wouldn't be causing so many issues, but together, they were wreaking havoc. I was put on antibiotics and given pain killers and then sent home. I was there for a little over 5 hours. Ugh.

After being given the pain killers, I seriously have NO idea why people do drugs for fun. I'm still suffering from different symptoms from those things today. My pain levels are manageable today, but I haven't done ANYTHING but lounge around and take naps. I feel so lazy. But, I can't tell you how over-joyed I am that they found something that is treatable. My baby is still fine, and that makes me so happy!