Almost...But Not Quite

I went to church this morning, fully intending on staying the whole time. I don't think I even made it half way through the first hour! Cramps in my lower abdomen brought on the tears and scared Chris, he offered to carry me out to my mom's car, but I declined and limped my way through blurred vision out to her car. She grabbed Celeste and made her way after me - Celeste is having issues of her own this weekend :( .

Yesterday I went shopping with my mom. Shouldn't have done that! Four stores plus a cranky baby that has unidentified bug bites ALL OVER her body, equals a long and tiring day. I did WAY too much. I woke up yesterday feeling awesome and thought I could handle that. I guess I just shouldn't "think" about things and just sit still...which is difficult for me to do.
I was somewhat tired and sore last night when I went to bed and I had to stop myself from wishing this pregnancy would be over. I know that reality could actually happen...in a bad way! I have had to stop that thought a few times already. "I just wish it would be over with already...no wait, I don't wish that. Nevermind!"

On Friday, I ended up taking Celeste in to the doctors because of a bug bite that started to blister. It looked awful (the pics are after a few hours when the swelling went down some)! She has since gotten a few more of those bites so we decided we REALLY needed to spray the outside of the house and the girls' room to kill off anything that's there! Oh the joys!

The doctors want us to bring her back in on Monday or Tuesday for a recheck of the bite (we'll be showing him the other bites as well). It makes me nervous that she's getting all these bites...just how much venom can a small child take before it starts to wreak major havoc on her poor little body?!

Happiness is...

Happiness, for me, is finding out that I didn't really fail the gestational diabetes testing after all! YAY!!! I'm over here just being happy about it all...smiling, crying, laughing and shouting for joy!! Oh the joys of being "normal"!

Feeling Grateful

I've had a few people talk to me about their thyroid problems (young moms), and they've got healthy kids. I've also had a few people remind me of the blessing that I received a few weeks ago. Today, I went to Sacrament meeting at church, and then Mom and I came home. I've been feeling nauseated this morning, so decided it would probably be best to come home and rest (since I "ran marathons" yesterday). While sitting in church listening to the speakers pay tribute to their fathers, their children, their husbands, etc., I got the overwhelming feeling that I need to trust in Chris's blessing more. Mom and I talked about it on the way home some. She said she felt that this baby would be just fine. It would be healthy, I would be healthy (once things settled down) and that things would turn out alright. I still have nagging worries in the back of my mind about this little one. The first trimester is the most crucial to the baby's development, and they didn't find the thyroid problem until the trimester was almost over! That, scientifically, worries me! But, Spiritually...I don't know how to explain it. I'm not panicking. I feel comfort and peace around me today. I'm so very grateful that I was able to go to church today, so that I'd be more in tune to these feelings! I apologize that my posts might seem of the "doom's day" sort lately. That was how I was feeling for the longest time about all of this. I couldn't bear the thought of losing this baby. We've been through so much, that to just suddenly have her gone...I couldn't handle that thought. Both Chris and my mom (and few others through emails, comments, phone calls, etc) have brought me back to reality and reminded me of God's greatness in all of this. His hand has been there, protecting my family, me, my baby. He's been such a comfort, and I really need to learn to trust in that comfort more!

My Grandma sent me an email a while back that encouraged me to read an article in the May Ensign about healing. I might have blogged about this before, but I really am too lazy to go back check...sorry!!!

Healing The Sick, by Dallin H. Oaks talk about priesthood blessings and how they can and DO help people during times of trial and illness. It works through (1) annointing, (2) sealing the annointing, (3) faith, (4) words of the blessing, and (5) will of the Lord.

I have every faith today that Chris spoke the will of the Lord in that blessing that was given to me. I'm holding that blessing very dear to my heart right now. I'm clinging to it...I don't want this to sound wrong, but almost in desperation? I'm still working on it, but I want so badly for all things to be well. I'm grateful to have a husband who is faithful and true enough to the Priesthood which he holds to be able to bless our family with the goodness that comes from God. I'm also very grateful to come from a family which instilled that example in me at a young age. Happy Fathers Day to my dad, my husband and my father-in-law. Thank you ALL for being such great examples in my life and, especially, thank you to my father-in-law for raising such a man that is worthy of this great honor of the Priesthood!

Marathons

Today, Chris took the kids fishing at a pond down the road. Celeste found his cell phone, so mom and I took it to him. He informed us that it was supposed to be charging. Oops! We drove home, and along the way saw a garage sale that had a mattress in it. We'd been looking for one of those, so we drove home, parked the car and walked down to the house (it was a block away). We asked how much it was....she just gave it to us for free! Can't beat that price! We said we'd be back to get it, and walked home, got the car and mom and the lady loaded it up. We got it home, and then had Chris bring it inside when he got home. So, I had only walked a block and back, but I felt like I'd run a marathon! I was exhausted, beat, emotional, you name it, I felt it! But my day wasn't over yet.

We had a birthday party to go to at the city pool this evening...and being the ever-so-brain-dead mom that I am right now, I forgot to buy a gift! Oops, again! Mom and I took Terra and James to the store and browsed around, found something, and headed back out to the car. Mom needed to go to Radio Shack, so I dropped her off at the door and sat in the car and wrapped the gift (stuffed it in a gift bag with colorful tissue paper and called it good)! We got home and everyone got into their swimsuits and off we went again. The kids had fun...all except Celeste. She got sunscreen in her eyes, so she cried for the majority of the party. :o( She finally stopped for the last 10 minutes or so, and found another baby to run around with. That was funny to watch...this little girl with swollen, red, puffy eyes laughing up a storm while running around. LOL Poor thing, I felt so bad for her!

We got home and immediately threw the kids in the tub and sent them to bed. I went downstairs and showered and am sitting here crying now (LOL, don't laugh, this is totally serious, people!) because I'm weak (in my mind). I couldn't even walk a block today. I thought I was tired after that...right now, there are no words to describe what I feel. I think that no sleeping aid will be required tonight! So, how was your day?!

Sometimes It's Rude...

You know how some people are well-meaning when they make comments? I'm not so sure these people were, but....yeah!

I've gotten emails and private messages on Facebook that have just....well....rubbed me the wrong way! Seriously! I'm going to just say, I have the BEST hubby in the world! He's sweet, funny, caring and he bends over backwards to make me happy! He's the best daddy in the world (my kids' lives revolve around him)! So, that being said, I find comments like the following one rude and completely unnecessary!

"I hope, now, that Chris will stop treating you like a baby factory!"

Huh?! Seriously, you did NOT just say that! Guess what...HE DOESN'T TREAT ME LIKE THAT!!! Nor has he ever! He calls and texts me throughout the day (if I don't call him first, that is) just to make sure I'm doing well. As soon as he gets home, he occupies the kids, he plays games with them, he gets me snacks, he draws baths for me to soak in. He took the full day off of work on Tuesday so he could sit in a boring hospital room to hold my hand while I just sit there so they can draw my blood! Does this sound like an uncaring husband that sees his wife as nothing more than a baby factory?! I think not! He's quite concerned about all of this and, if I give the word, we're done having kids! The doctors have said, however, that the things that are happening now (I think with the exception of the thyroid), more than likely won't happen again (there's a very slim marginal chance of them recurring)! So, why is this all happening at once? I've asked that question over and over again. The answer is always the same - "It could be this reason or this reason, but in reality, I don't know!"

So, please, before you make a comment to someone - a comment that you THINK is harmless - please stop and think. You have no idea who you're hurting or insulting by making comments like those! Unless you've been in their shoes, lived in their house and seen EVERYTHING (the emotion, the love, the respect) that goes on there, you have no idea how that person will react!

So, I'll just say again, there is NO other man (in my eyes) out there that is better than my husband! I'm glad things worked out the way they did for me 8 (plus) years ago so that I could meet him and fall in love with him! He is an awesome person who treats me with respect and shows me (and tells me) that he loves me, everyday! I thank God for him every morning, noon and night (and even sometimes midnight, if I'm awake to do so)! I LOVE CHRIS!

Trying To Stay Positive...

...But failing miserably! I got a phone call from my doctor's office this afternoon (which was a bad thing anyway, since I just had blood work done and they said they'd only call if there was an abnormality). I failed the glucose test, so have to go in for the 3 hour one (which, in all reality, will really last for 4-5 hours). I have to check in to the hospital, get my blood drawn (I'll be fasting, by the way), drink the glucose juice (yet again), and then get my blood drawn again at 1, 2 and 3 hours past the time I finish drinking it. Oh joy.

The other abnormality I have is my thyroid. My midwife made the comment about it being "generous" during my physical. She ran a test on it, just to be on the safe side. It was found to be abnormally low. I wasn't quite sure what that meant, so I googled it. This explains the 15 pound weight-gain during my first trimester, the fatigue, but still not being able to sleep (insomnia). There were a couple of other things that I had too, that were symptoms. Having this condition, however, poses some threats to the baby. They can't really do a whole lot to treat it...because it could endanger the baby. I'm at a much higher risk for a few things too, which I was already at risk for anyway, due to the SCH that I've got going on. Fetal abruption (miscarriage), placental abruption (was high before due to the SCH, but now...), low birth weight in the baby (maybe the gestational diabetes will cancel this one out and we'll have a normal sized baby?), and even still birth. My body is fighting so hard to help my thyroid that its also fighting some of the baby too. I'm very much praying that things don't get worse. I don't think I could handle much more of this!

On a more positive note - Chris got his stitches out today and the doctor that took them out said that the person that put them in did a "perfect job"! YAY! They cleaned him right up and sent him home. Chris related very well to that doctor, so I think he's a keeper for the whole family!

*(edit update) Sorry to sound like such a "Debbie Downer". The stats on this really weren't looking that great this afternoon. I'm not going to research it further, just because I don't think I could handle reading it all. There is a reason I'm not a doctor. Give me a night to sleep on it and I'll have a better outlook when I wake up!*

Chris's Eye

Here are a couple of pictures of Chris's eye. Not exactly pretty, but it could be worse, though!

*Sigh*

I've decided that if it's not one thing, its another! I had another appointment yesterday. At my first appt (the ER follow-up), it was decided that I might have an issue with Gestational Diabetes, so, I "get" to take the glucose test twice this pregnancy. Another appt was scheduled at that time for yesterday. Yesterday, they took my blood work, including glucose (and after the appt they decided to do a thyroid test too, since I have a "generous" thyroid right now). But the day didn't start out well yesterday, sadly. I caught some kind of viral stomach bug and couldn't keep anything down all day (which kind of posed a problem for the glucose testing...but they said I kept it down long enough to get a good reading...we're hoping anyway). I was very dehydrated, though. They told me that if I didn't start keeping things down, then I'd have to go into the hospital and get IV fluids that afternoon. They gave me a prescription for some anti-nausea medications and sent me home. Today I'm doing a bit better, but still have to fight keep food down.

I'm very glad that my mom has been here to keep things running smoothly throughout the rest of the house. Bless her heart, she's been taking care of everything! She's even made cookies for the kids, to boot! I have the best mommy in the world!!!

Headlines

I've come up with a headline that would explain something that happened to my husband last night. I'm debating on whether or not to put it on here, because it is rather rude (I probably won't put it). Here's the story though - maybe you can all help me come up with a headline in the comments below!

Chris decided to go to the movies with his brother, a friend (we'll call him M) and M brought a friend along too. The movie started at 10-ish pm, so Chris got the kids in bed at his parent's house and then went to the theater. A couple rows in front of them, a young couple had brought their baby (probably about 3-4 months old) and M made a snide comment about how babies are like phones, they should be silenced or turned off. RUDE! He said it loud enough that this couple heard. The lady felt bad (I would have too), so after the movie, her boyfriend (think big, tall...around 6'5" or so) came up to M and asked him to apologize because he had made his girl feel bad. M said "whatever, that's my opinion and I'm entitled to it." and walked off. Everyone followed...including the boyfriend. He got up in M's face and started yelling at him. Again, M tried to blow him off and leave, walking up some stairs. Boyfriend-man lunged after him, M turned around and got punched, and just about fell down the stairs. M's friend went up and stood to the side trying to diffuse the situation, boyfriend-man tried to have a go at him again and Chris jumped in front of him and told him to back off and that he needed to calm down. Boyfriend-man started swinging at Chris, who blocked a couple of blows and then one caught him, his glasses cut his eye and fell off, Chris lost his footing and couldn't defend himself anymore, so caught another couple of blows and fell. Chris's brother saw all this and jumped in, he got punched too, then the boyfriend-man took off. Mall security caught him, the police were called and took statements, arrested the guy with 3 counts of assault against him. After taking Chris's statement, they allowed him and his brother to leave so they could go to the hospital and get his eye taken care of. He's now got 7 stitches just under his eyebrow. I've got a very blurry picture on my phone, and he says there's no black eyes, but his eye is swollen slightly. They're all fine though.

I have a number of emotions running through me right now. In Ogden area, people are known for carrying guns and knives. This could have been so much worse, and I'm glad it wasn't. I'm irritated that I had to find out that something happened on Facebook (someone posted a vague statement about them being jumped by "people" - which lead me to believe that he'd been robbed at knife/gun point by a gang of people...yes, my imagination does run wild at times). Chris knew that I'd had a rough day, that I was having contractions and just wanted me to sleep, I'm very glad that he was being so respectful of me, but would still have liked to find out about it from him...maybe I'm being picky. I'm angry at the guy for hitting my husband. I'm VERY angry at M, too. Some comments should be kept to one's self. I've taken my children to the theaters with me while they were small like that, AND M was with us too. He could have apologized that it hurt her feelings, but he didn't. The boyfriend could have just walked away from the whole situation too, but he didn't, and now he's in jail facing even more jail time, depending on what the judge has to say. Great fun. I kind of feel like a white-trash-soap-opera thinking of the whole situation. LOL

Sam's Club and "Clown Cars"

Chris took the 3 older kids to Utah for the weekend, so it's just me, Celeste and Mom here for today and tomorrow. We decided that since we didn't have an over-abundance of little helpers, we would get some dinners in the freezer for me. We made a list of stuff we needed, then decided that we didn't need to cook breakfast for ourselves and headed to Subway. We ate our fill there and then went to Sam's Club. We decided that I needed to drive one of their 'clown cars' around the store (I really hate driving those things around). You get some interesting stares and comments from people while driving one of those around. Here are just a few:

"Thanks for the "close encounter"! HAHA" (I really didn't find this one all that funny, but that guy sure did.)
(to his wife)"Ya gotta watch out for those crazy drivers - they're getting younger and younger these days!" (this one actually made me literally laugh out loud!)
(from another 'clown car' driver)"What are you in here for? I smoked for too many *beep* years!" I answered that I'm trying to keep a baby inside and his response was "Well, your reason is a lot better than mine!" (a lady walked by and tried to get grandpa-man and I to race...LOL)

I also got some snide remarks and some stares...the stares mainly came from children (they just can't help themselves). But, believe it or not, there were GROWN adults that were staring me down. I really hate being the center of attention, especially that kind!

We then decided that we needed lunch, so we went and got that and ate it on the way home. We got home and put Celeste in bed and got started in the kitchen. We ended up making 7 freezer meals today (you can see some of the recipes here). We decided we were short a couple of items and needed to go back to the store (but the real reason we went out again was to get supper...LOL). We'll be making a couple more recipes tomorrow. I sat down at the table and chopped things, opened cans, mixed ingredients, etc. Mom was the runner and the one standing at the stove all day. You'd think that just sitting down wouldn't cause a lot of problems, however, it sort of did. I'm in pain (contractions and cramps). Oh boy. I really do wish that I could have just a sliver of my "old life" back! *sigh*

Fire Drills and Church

I made it through an hour of church today (well, more like an hour and a half or so). We had a fire alarm go off just as we were starting to sing the closing hymn, so we evacuated and sat outside on the grass until the Fire Department and Fire Marshall came to shut off the alarm and give us the ok to go back inside. The alarm freaked Terra out so badly, she was almost hyperventilating, poor thing! We got her calmed down and were eventually let back inside to finish up Sacrament Meeting - we sang the closing hymn and had a closing prayer and were told that we had enough socializing outside and to please get to our classrooms so we could get back on schedule. Chris took Terra and James to Primary and came back to help me with the younger two. I decided I needed to go home (I was cramping up and just needed to rest), so we decided to keep Tyler and Celeste out of Nursery because they're both coughing and have runny noses. We have a little guy in our Ward that has Down's Syndrome and can't get sick or he'll be in the hospital for weeks, so we decided it was best to keep them out. Right now, they're running around the house and watching some cartoons, Chris is getting ready to go back to church for the remaining hour and I'm just sitting here...hoping that the pain goes away (and eating Cherries...YUMMY)! I'm feeling slightly frustrated that I couldn't even make it through all of church today, but feel grateful that I was able to go for at least an hour (and a half). I was swarmed by everyone, given hugs and well wishes, more offers of help and just felt very loved today. That part was very nice - I love it here!

Not Ready, I Guess

A lady in my Ward told me about a discount Bakery Outlet, so Mom and I decided to go check it out today. I was feeling ok this morning, a little tired from lack of sleep, but other than that, ok. I felt like I could handle a small trip to the grocery store and back, no biggie. We got kids ready and out the door. I grabbed a drink and a cheese stick so that I wouldn't get hungry along the way and thought that I would be fine.

We walked around the bakery outlet a couple times (think of a store the size of a large living room), picked what we needed and wanted and checked out. I was very shakey and quite dizzy when we left the store. We decided to go to Walmart and get McDonalds (since it was basically next door) while Mom went and got wipes at the back of the store. We got the wipes and our food and went and sat in the car for a while so we could eat. I finally felt ok enough to drive (since my mom didn't have her gps and didn't know her way around town), so off we went for home. We got home, let everyone finish eating, then put everyone in bed for naps. As soon as I sat down on the couch, I started crying...do you know how degrading it is to not even be able to make a SMALL grocery run without falling apart?! Wow...that's all I can say.

Mom made me go lay down for a bit, gave me ice water and then came out here and got busy doing some stuff. I cried for a minute and then felt so much better after just laying down for a while. I got up and have been a bump on the couch ever since. I haven't really had the energy to do much of anything for the rest of the day. I guess the restrictions really shouldn't be lifted all the way yet. How frustrating!!!

Update - First Dr's Appt.

We had our first doctor's appointment at our new office. It was somewhat comforting, but I think I still have questions.

All restrictions have been lifted, so I just need to listen to my body and decide what I should or shouldn't do from there (I'm also not considered high-risk anymore). The midwife was very straight-forward and didn't sugar-coat anything. Basically she said "if the baby is healthy and strong, then it won't go anywhere and I'll be fine, but if the baby is weak, no amount of bedrest will save it." She said that the fact that Baby has hung on this long is a good sign and this is VERY common and 95% of the time ends well.

I'm comforted that she's not worried about it, but at the same time, after all I've read, I'm not entirely certain I can safely be off all restrictions either. I still have cramping if I do too much. I still get very tired, as well. I do feel that this office is well informed and both Chris and I feel comfortable staying there for the duration of this pregnancy. I'll be meeting all of the midwives that are in that office throughout my term there, and as long as I'm not having any complications, I won't have to meet the OB's they work with. I've been invited to take a tour of the Labor and Delivery section of the hospital there and bring back any questions I have. She said with my past pregnancy history, that everything should work out just fine. Sadly, we weren't able to pick up the heartbeat on doppler, but she said not to panic because 10 weeks is the earliest that they've been able to pick one up, so it might still be too early. I have another appt in a couple weeks to finish up with the labs and what not, so she said they'd try again then.

I do have more questions that I thought of on the way home, and I'm still going to take it easy, my mom is going to stay here for a while longer so we can gauge things and see how things pan out, but the stress levels have gone down some. We've decided that we're probably not going to be traveling much this summer, which I am bummed about, but traveling is pretty hard on me while I'm pregnant anyway.

Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers in this, they have been very much appreciated!